


Did you see the words?

by Anaile20GH



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff and Crack, M/M, a little bit of angst, future kid!fic, more fluff than crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-05-02 07:05:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5239025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anaile20GH/pseuds/Anaile20GH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xabi Alonso is a successful lawyer who would define his life as perfect... until a twist of fate puts him in an unimaginable situation and everything turns in a beautiful mess.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "For the first time in the day, Xabi genuinely smiles"

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Booperesque](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Booperesque/gifts), [anonlytree](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonlytree/gifts).



> For Em and Lishy :)
> 
> And thanks to [Daisy](https://http://daisy-cutting.tumblr.com/) for being my beta this time and also an amazing cheerleader!!

“Mrs. Salinger, to be completely honest, I think it's the best deal for you. It’ll be quiet, no press involved and the image of you and more importantly, your family will be intact. You’ll get the 40% of the value of all the properties and the house in the French Riviera. The alimony is a very reasonable amount and Mr. Salinger is willing to take full responsibility of your children’s future. If you decide to go to trial, it’s very likely that you will not receive even a quarter of what we’re trying to agree here and the press will go wild with the juicy parts this story can provide. I suggest to you and your lawyer to accept our offer, your family doesn’t deserve to go through a nasty, public trial.”

The elegant way the man with the slight Spanish accent plays with his cufflinks is doing a pretty good job on Mrs. Salinger, she’s willing to relinquish her alimony in exchange for a chance to be properly comforted by this unbelievable handsome lawyer her future ex-husband has hired. She’s starting to believe that he did it absolutely on purpose; it can’t be unintentional that he brought her to the court with these two counsels that look like they walked straight out of an Armani catalogue! The other man has cold, but fierce grey eyes and a slight smirk on his lips and well, she’s now imagining herself celebrating her victory on her cheating, bastard husband in her fully remodelled beach house with both these men.

A bastard husband that at this point Xabi would prefer to see in jail for a life sentence just for the reason that the rich prick makes an Ermenegildo Zegna looks like a suit bought in retail. It's true when they say money can't buy class. Definitely not.

“Mr. Alonso, I wasn't lying when I said nothing would satisfy me more than to see him trying to skip every question about those not quite rumours and justifying himself, his eloquence could be very amusing. But you’re right, seeing my sons’ faces when they pick a headline about those parties and orgies in the Santa Marina takes all the fun out of it. It’s sick enough that only a few months ago we celebrated the birthday party of our younger boy in that yacht… asshole”

Mr. Salinger has an ironic smirk and Xabi actually wants to slap the guy’s face, or better yet kick his ass to the exit of the court building, because really, could be this more pathetic? This is the part that Xabi doesn’t like about his job, when he has to defend _these_ kind of people. As a lawyer, he understands the thin line between what’s right and what’s…controversial. Impartiality and “everyone is innocent until the contrary is demonstrated” could put any lawyer in difficult positions. As well as society making all kinds of judgements and statements that Xabi couldn’t care less about, not until the final verdict is out. He has his own opinions, of course, but that's something he keeps to himself and mostly to remind himself why he has chosen this and how far it has got him. Generally at the end of the day, he goes to his very big and expensive bed at peace with himself and he lives for his profession, but in these moments, which are rare for him by the way (thanks to whatever is out there to he must be grateful for, and to Pep and Mou mostly), he really wants to send everything to hell and leave it to karma or whatever, to be the judge here.

Every job has his perks, but also…this.

And really, Mr. fucking Salinger must, for the name of Ermenegildo Zegna not wear his suits. Never again.

Robert, who in his almost three years working with Xabi, has learned some things about when it’s time to make an intervention and not let the always calm, reserved, generally cold Xabi Alonso lose his temper, thinks this is his moment to act.

“As my colleague has said, Mrs. Salinger, you’re in the most beneficial position. You’ll end your marriage in the best terms and you’ll preserve your image intact. If there’s nothing more and if your lawyer is in agreement, which I believe I’m right in assuming, can we just sign the papers and put an end to this?”

“May I ask where you from?”

“Poland, Mrs. Salinger.”

“Well, I do believe that I must visit Poland and Spain, maybe? What do you think, Mr. Alonso?”

_Dear God…_

Xabi feels Robert’s hand on his knee, putting enough pressure to make it clear… _Just a few minutes Alonso …please be cool._

“Well I think you’ll love it Mrs. Salinger. I’ll recommend some places that you surely must visit. The north of Spain is charming, absolutely sure of it”

The Million-Dollar-Smile plastered on that beautiful, bearded face made Mrs. Salinger sign the freaking papers in a heartbeat and Robert turned into the proudest bastard on Liverpool and England soil.

~.~

Xabi excuses himself and leaves the court room, he’s sure that Robert can take care of the formalities that appear after a case is considered almost closed. He really needs to get out of there, he’s desperate for a smoke. Before he goes out, he takes a minute to loosen his tie when he catches his name in the local’s accent.

A familiar voice in Scouse accent, he suddenly realizes.

“Xabi? Is that really you?”

Before he turns around, he quickly searches in his brain the guy’s name.

_Samuel… no. Stewart…god no!_

Maybe he should just turn around, probably after seeing the guy’s face he’ll remember his name.

Blue eyes and a very bright smile do the trick.

_Esteban…Steven! That it is._

“Steven Gerrard! Long time no see!”

For the first time in the day, Xabi genuinely smiles. And how could he not? Even though almost _5…6…_ 9 years have passed since the last time he saw Steven, he fondly remembers him. Not that he thinks about him all the time mind you, he just sometimes brings back memories from his college years and Steven was simply a very good part of it.

A good friend at first, then a loving boyfriend and later, a friend. But Xabi tends to move on from things that needs to be surpassed for the sake of his future and well, that's just that.  

But yes, he remembers him. He can’t forget the easiness you’d feel when Stevie G was around.

“That’s right, mate. How are you?”

They hug for a brief moment, like two old pals that haven’t see each other for a while and it’s warm and familiar, it makes Xabi feel at ease for a bit.

“Good, good. What are you doing here in Liverpool?”

“I came back, 7 months ago. You remember Jamie Carragher?”

“Yeah, of course,” _actually no…_

“Well, we decided to be independents and we have a firm. We’re, you know, just starting with small cases and all, but it’s been great really.”

“Oh yeah? That sounds good,” Xabi tries to be sincere and he’s doing a pretty good job at it.

“Yes, it is. And you?”

“Oh, I work for Gordon & Mackenzie since 2008. I left London when they called me.”

Steven can’t avoid whistling at that. That firm is where you should be if you really want to be on the radar in the legal profession… and also if you want to be financially solvent. Which is something that seems an understatement to Steven, judging by the clothes that Xabi’s wearing.

“Wow, you really made it. I must congratulate you, though I never doubted that you would pull it off, someday.”

“Well thank you.”

Steven still has that sweet smile that makes everyone eat out of the palm of his hands, that one Xabi remembers well. He’s about to say something else when Robert interrupts the two of them. Xabi don’t miss the way Steven’s face shifts when Robert places a hand at the low part of his back. It’s a small thing, but there it is anyway.

“Steven, this is Robert Lewandowski a partner from the firm. Robert, this is Steven Gerrard, we met at college.”

“Nice to meet you, Steven. Excuse me if I’m interrupting but we’re ready and we must go if we want to avoid the reporters.”

“Yes of course. Uh, it’s great to see you Steven, take care.”

“Yeah mate, you too. A pleasure to meet you Robert.”

Robert nods politely while Xabi waves to Steven. He knows the other man is murmuring something to him but he doesn’t pay too much attention, he’s processing everything about his former friend/boyfriend as he’s walking with Robert out of the court building. Steven is a very simple man, but he has a certain air that makes him look distinguished without being pretentious and what you see is what you get, and it seems that nothing has changed because that’s the feeling Xabi still gets from him.

And that smile, it’s not an easy thing to get Xabi Alonso’s knees bobbing slightly especially at such ordinary things, he would say that smile is probably his only weakness.

And Steven was and probably still is that guy that made Xabi feels honest things, for somebody else. If it wasn’t for the fact that Xabi Alonso is too damn practical and doesn’t get attached to people that could interfere with his professional projects, they would probably still be a couple. But Xabi is someone who runs far from that kind of commitment; he was not made for it after all.

Robert snaps his fingers in front of his face to get his attention.

“Ey, did you listen anything what I said?”

“Uh, it was important?”

“I was saying that Pep and José are waiting for us, they want details of the agreement. I think they were having doubts about it, the wife was adamant to sign at first.”

“Robert, you need to learn certain things about this business, there’s nothing money can’t buy. Even dignity has a price, in this case a beach house in the French Riviera.”

“Cliché much?”

“It’s as simple as that. Where’s the car?”

“I just called Mario, he’s coming. By the way was that guy your boyfriend or something?”

“Why are you asking?”

“Because you were looking at him in that way.”

“What way?”

“Like he means something to you or whatever.”

Xabi feels a little uncomfortable by the scrutiny, he considers Robert a friend but this is way too personal and really, he was that obvious?

“We dated for a while.”

“Aha.”

“He was also a good friend.”

“Like we’re friends?”

“Don’t flatter yourself, Robert.”

“Ouch, I’m hurt.”

Xabi smiles at that. He really enjoys Robert’s sense of humour, he’s uncomplicated, looks amazing in a suit (and without it) and he’s not boring at all. He’s also a good fuck when Xabi feels too lazy to look for one and yes, he is also a friend or at least someone he can trust. Maybe because they have so much in common they fell into stride easily and into what they call a comfortable relationship.

But there are barriers that Xabi has put around his most personal side, a side that he shows to only a few people. Just his family, Mikel, Nagore and once upon a time there was a person he even let in little further than he has let in others, Steven. Everybody else are just acquaintances, maybe there’s some that get more privileges than others (Robert lately) but nothing more than that.

And Xabi is very content with it. It's been his choice and there’s nothing he would change about his life so far. He thinks it is perfect in the way it is.

Not even an encounter with a “love” of his past can make him have doubts about that.

~.~

It was almost 8 pm when Robert knocked at his office door and threatened him to set the fire alarm to get him out of the building. _For Christ's sake let’s celebrate! We made in to this firm 5 million pounds this afternoon, let’s have a drink of that scotch you love so much._

And they did. They have dinner in a fancy restaurant and the scotch in Xabi’s luxurious flat. And now Xabi watches Robert put his clothes while he smokes his second cigar of the day.

“I thought you were trying to quit?”

“I am, this is a post-coital smoke. I’m allowed to have one at least. You can stay if you want.”

“That’s new. Thanks, but I need to get up early, tomorrow is abs routine and my trainer is very strict with the schedule, so.

“Are you serious?”

Robert cackles because Xabi’s face is priceless.

“Almost serious. I have a friend visiting, remember?”

“Oh yeah, Anna isn’t? The hyperkinetic chick obsessed with green food, yeah I remember her.”

“She’s a nutritionist Xabi.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Come on she’s nice. She said you are cute.”

Xabi rolls his eyes and takes a drag of his cigar. Robert just laughs at his friend's indifference.

“I'll see you in the office then.”

Robert kisses him on the cheek and Xabi hears when he closes the door. He was looking forward to have company in his bed till the morning, but anyway.

He looks for another glass of scotch and turns on the telly to surf through the channels. There’s nothing in particular that catches his attention so he decides to get up for his laptop and work a little.

He wakes up at 5 of the morning, his laptop on a side of his bed, his glasses still on his chest.

~.~

“Mario, could you get me a copy of the Sherman’s case please?”

“ _Of course Mr. Alonso, right away._ ”

Xabi is immersed in the reading of the files spread over his desk that he has ignored his cell phone ringing incessantly over the past hour. He finally has the decency to look who’s calling him and when he sees who it is, he prepares himself for what’s coming next.

“Kaixo Mikel.”

“ _Gilipollas, ¿porque no atiendes tu puto teléfono_?”

“I actually did it, we’re talking now.”

“ _After an hour! You’re making yourself that important again?”_

“Miki, I’m sorry, Please forgive my outrageous behaviour, I will never do that again.”

“ _Fuck you Alonso, are you free tonight?”_

“Are you asking me out?”

“ _Nagore was asking me the other day if you moved to another country or what, since we hadn't heard from you lately. Want to join us for dinner?_ ”

“You’re exaggerating as always.”

“ _We talked a month ago Xabier.”_

“Don’t start that patronizing tone Mikel, I was busy”

“ _Like always._ ”

“Fine, at what time?”

“ _At 7:30 pm. And don’t be late._ ”

“Where?”

“ _You know where!_ ”

“Ok, ok. And Mikel?”

“ _What?_ ”

“I love you.”

“ _Fuck you Alonso._ ”

Xabi smiles and goes back to the files on his desk. Minutes later he gets a message from Mikel saying that he loves him back and _please don’t be late._

Mikel Arteta has been his friend since he can remember. When he decided to stay in England he convinced him and his girlfriend, now his wife, Nagore, to move to Liverpool, suggesting that a change in the scenery would do him good in his profession. Mikel is an architect, a brilliant one and he’s making a name in Liverpool. And Nagore, is a jewelry designer. Mikel actually owes his marriage to Xabi, he introduced them and it was like love at the first sight. Xabi, at anytime he can, likes to remind them of this. The funny part is that Nagore was actually his girlfriend first, but even though she was sweet, charming and funny, he couldn’t avoid cheating on her with his actual first crush, the assistant of the coach from the football team of his high school.

When he decided to break up with her, it surprised him that she didn’t make a fuss about it, and they even ended up as very good friends. One day he decided to tell her that he was gay and she told him that probably she'd always known that he was. Xabi at that time hadn’t yet mentioned a word to anybody about it, not even to Mikel. From that day on he and Nagore became inseparable. So for him it was like a dream scenario when she and Mikel fell in love and got married.

They’re easily the best part of his life in Liverpool.

The last months have been a little difficult for his two best friends, they’re trying to have a baby but for some cruel reason it has been impossible and Xabi knows how hard it is for them, especially for Nagore, to deal with. He doesn’t ask about it too much but he shares their frustration, even though he can’t fathom the idea of being a father himself, he senses that Mikel would be an amazing parent, the same goes for his wife.

It occurs to him that maybe they have some good news.

When he enters to the restaurant, he catches sight of Nagore sitting in the bar with a drink in her hands, looking beautiful as ever.

“He doesn’t know how dangerous is to let you alone in the bar with that dress on?”

Nagore smiles and let herself be teased by the sweet cologne and the suggestive tone of her friend while he kisses tenderly on her cheek.

“Well, not that I’m in danger with you, or am I?”

“You’ll never know, if that dress were red instead, mmm…”

“Not even in a nightgown my love.”

“Oh, you know me too well.”

“I do. You’re early!”

“Yes, that husband of yours was very demanding and really, I don’t want to hear him forever complaining about me being late. Where is he?”

“In the bathroom, he just went a little ago.”

Xabi can sense a little of anxiety coming from his friend. Her smile is a little tense and he knows something is up, but he prefers to wait for them to say anything.

“How is your latest collection doing?”

“Oh, is going great. I think that in a couple of months I’ll expose it on the gallery-”

“Now this is a surprise, Xabier Alonso being on time for dinner with his friends!”

“You were all menacing in the afternoon when we spoke Mikel.”

“Yeah, ok, just shut up and give me a hug.”

“You’re going to rumple my suit!”

“Ok guys, I’m hungry, can we get a table please? Mikel cariño, put Xabi down!! My god…”

~.~

Xabi is eating probably the best pasta al pesto he’s had in a while and the tempranillo is delicious as well. Mikel has been teasing him endlessly with the story of his blast from the past the other day and Nagore of course wasn’t helping him at all.  

He ended the conversation by kicking Mikel’s shin under the table and clearing his throat, then he moved on to ask Nagore about her plans for Christmas and they’re now eating dessert.

He’s in the middle of his love declaration for the chocolate soufflé, when Mikel and Nagore exchange a worried look.

“Ok guys, I know you want to tell me something, is everything ok?”

Mikel takes a sip of his wine and grabs Nago’s hand that is on the table.  

“Xabi, you know how hard for us it has been to get pregnant. Three weeks ago, we received the results of an exam and we finally discovered the reason.”

“And?”

“It turns out that it’s my fault. I have azoospermia.”

That sounds horrible in Xabi’s ears.

“Could you translate it for me to understand, please?”

“That means that I don’t have sperm in my semen. You know? The little animals that get to the egg and make the woman get pregnant?”

Mikel tries to make a joke about what Xabi feels must be devastating for both of them and suddenly everything seems to crumble around him. He doesn’t understand why this is happening to his friends and he feels angry. Very angry in fact.

He knows how much they want a child and it’s very cruel, all this.

“God Mikel, I can’t…I’m so sorry. Really.”

“Oh well, we had our rough moments, but everything is not lost, not yet.”

“Are you thinking about adoption?”

Nagore and Mikel are staring each other, Mikel seeking permission and she smiles and nods to him, like telling him _go on, we have nothing to lose._

“It’s an option yes, but I don’t want to take the opportunity from Nagore to live a pregnancy you know? It’s not her fault that I failed to her.”

“It’s not anybody's fault, Mikel.”

“I know Xabi, is just…I can’t take that away from her. It’s her right and I want to do everything possible that is in my hands to give her the chance.”

“What are you saying?”

“What he’s trying to say Xabi is that we’re going to try artificial insemination. Our doctor says that the possibilities to get pregnant by that procedure are pretty high.”

“And how do you do it?”

“Well, we need a sperm donor and they’ll inseminate as many eggs they can inside me and we wait, probably it’ll take two, three months tops.”  

“And where will you find a donor?”

The way they look each other and the silence that falls around them makes Xabi swallow hard. For some reason he’s afraid of what he’s going to hear.

It's Mikel who breaks the silence.

“We can go the sperm bank at the clinic, but after days and days of debate, we don’t want a nameless donor for our son…or our daughter. Xabi, we want you as our donor.”

Xabi feels his blood go directly to his feet and back to his brain again. His hands are sweating and his tie suddenly is too tight and he can’t breathe. He drinks all the wine from his cup in one go and his legs start to move uncontrollably under the table.

What, in the name of God, has Mikel just asked him?

Nagore tries to be kind to him and says that he can take all the time he wants to think about it, but he can’t hear her well, his ears are ringing.

“It’ll mean the world to us Xabi, just please, consider it for a bit.”

“I… I need to… I just.”

Xabi needs to get the hell out of there, he needs to be alone right now. So he practically runs out of the restaurant and he can’t face the sad look Nagore has in her eyes and the disappointment on Mikel’s face.

He can’t sleep that night, he has in his mind the looks on his friends faces, the hope they had as they were asking him…asking him to become a father, basically.

Because in the end it’s that, isn’t? There would be a child that would be half of him and even though he’s not going to raise it, he knows he’ll forever be his or her biological dad.

And he doesn’t know how to cope with that thought.

The next day he can’t concentrate at work. He hasn’t called either Mikel or Nagore, he doesn’t know how to respond to their request. But also he can’t forget how hopeful they were while asking him this “favour” and Xabi suddenly feels he can’t say no them. He loves them too much and he just can’t deny them this. It’s so important to them and he just…

He goes to their home that night and when he sees Nagore at the door with watery eyes and a smile on her face, he knows he has made the right decision. When he feels Mikel’s tears on his neck and his arms hugging him so tightly and Nagore kissing him all over his face, happy tears everywhere, he feels his heart swell in his chest.

He has made his friends happy.

And of course, he feels happy.


	2. “You made it possible, tío.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That's how all begins...

 

“Mario, this is not a mocaccino, it's cappuccino. And where’s my muffin?”

“Sir…?”

“My cinnamon muffin, I asked you to bring me one, remember?”

“I…uhm… sorry sir, probably I forgot it.”

“Mario, are you sure that I asked you to buy me a muffin?”

Robert rolls his eyes, he’s not in the mood for this. He generally enjoys the mind games Xabi plays with the interns, he likes torturing them, claims that it'll keep them on their toes and all that crap. What he really thinks is that it amuses Xabi to see them all nervous and losing their shit around him, he’s absolutely certain that his tenacious partner is nothing but a sadistic bastard. But these past three weeks have been really stressful with their latest case and he just wants to end this freaking review of files and have a drink and get laid (it has been a week since the last time for fuck's sake) and just…

“Cut it Xabi, we need to finish this or I swear to God…”

“Sir, is no problem for me to go back to the café-”

“Jesus, fuck!”

“Robert you clearly need a muffin. Mario, for your information I did not ask you to buy me anything other than a mocaccino, thank you very much for bringing me the wrong thing. Again. Here’s two things for you to learn if you want to have success as a lawyer: first, you need to listen and observe very carefully, because everything around you is evidence. And second, people will always say what you want to hear from them, as long as you convince them that’s exactly what they want to say. Do you understand me?”  

“Of course Mr. Alonso, thank you.”

“Good,” Xabi turns his eyes back to the papers in his hand, “and yes, I’ll make another order if you don’t mind, I would like a muffin, thanks, and please, be sure to ask for a cappuccino this time.”

Mario’s smile is a little restrained, but he will be damned if he shows any discomfort to his superior, he prefers staying on the good side of Mr. Alonso. It's better to not give him any opportunity to say what he really thinks about him. And regardless of his slightly unfriendly personality, the guy is an institution (to say the least) for a reason. And after all, nobody said this job would be easy. Besides, staying on the good side of Mr. Alonso could bring you closer to Josep Guardiola and Jose Mourinho, Xabi’s bosses and the most important partners at Gordon & Mackenzie. Xabi’s an associate, but it’s clear that he’s their favourite and that they're probably going to make him a partner of the firm sooner rather than later.

That’s why Mario is keen to do everything Xabi says… even if that involves buying his damn coffee and his bloody muffin.

Xabi watches the young man walk out of the meeting room as Robert starts another rant about _how many lawsuits this company has Xabi? I don’t think we have a chance here look at this, this is fucked up…_

“We’re not going to make any agreements, Robert, they were out of contract and that’s enough for us to win this in the cleanest way. And what’s up on your ass lately?”

Robert glares at Xabi and returns his focus to the laptop in front on him. Xabi’s smirk is annoying to put it mildly and before he starts to really want to slap his partner’s face, he thinks it's best to go back to surfing through his email and ignore his surroundings completely. It lasts just a few minutes, because that's when Xabi’s mobile starts producing the sound of that oh so indie ringtone, making Robert’s ears flinch. Fucking annoying. He needs _relieve_ stress soon, seriously.

“Kaixo!”

“ _Is a girl, Xabi! We’re going to have a girl!”_

Xabi’s face lights up at hearing Mikel’s enthusiastic voice through his mobile. It's the fourth month of Nagore’s pregnancy and they'd been waiting impatiently to find out whether a boy or a girl would be the newest member of the Arteta-Aranburu household. Mikel thought it was going to be a boy, while both Xabi and Nagore had a feeling it was going to be a girl. Nagore had also been amusing herself with making Xabi uncomfortable by describing all sorts of possible future scenarios to him. The other day she told him that _this girl will be a mixture of us three, Xabi! I hope she inherits your goofy, but lovely smile, my sense of fashion of course, and Mikel’s style!_ Xabi was certain that the hormones were only amplifying his dearest friend's already ironic sense of humour, because surely she'd long ago accepted that his fashion sense was unrivaled. Mikel had just laughed at the adorable predictions of his wife, but deep down he was hoping that Xabi's smile would be one of the few things that the baby would inherit from him. That and his good heart, mostly.     

“I told you so! You know what this means, right? You owe me a dinner! Salt House Tapas at 8pm?”

“ _I owe you more than that!”_

“A dinner will do... for now.”

_“Thank you, Xabi.”_

Mikel says in his more sincere way, Xabi notices and he feels humbled by his friend's gratitude. There’s a little girl growing inside Nagore’s and it’s because of him. Surprisingly it’s not a strange thing to understand anymore and he now also knows that the baby is going to have the best and most loving parents - and a cool uncle.

He's decided that he can certainly be that cool uncle. No problem.

“Ez dago zergatik. Remember, at 8pm.”

_“Ha, yeah right, you reminding me to be on time. Funny.”_

“Smartass. See you later.”

Xabi hangs up and the smile is still there on his face, even Robert notes it. 

“Who was it?”

“Mikel. He was telling me that they’re going to have a girl.”

“Uh, that’s…great, I guess.”

“Yeah, it’s good.”

Xabi stares out of the window, on this lovely spring afternoon the city of Liverpool is looking beautiful under orange and yellow rays of light from the sun.

“What do you think of the name Emma?”

“What?”

“I think that’s a pretty name for a baby girl. Nagore and I were discussing it the other day-”

“Xabi, why are you telling me that? Come on, focus here! I want to go early today, can we finish this?”

“We’re not even that close, 32 files and you have reviewed…”

“Ten! Mario has only checked three, it seems that his priorities are buying your capuccinos and getting your suits from the dry cleaners. When he was named your assistant anyway?”

Xabi observes his friend with a mischievous, knowing smile.

“Jealous much, maybe?”

“Fuck off Alonso!”

“It’s not my fault that not all the interns are like... what was his name?”

Robert snaps his head and gives Xabi a murderous look, one that, if Xabi didn’t know him at all, would probably be quite intimidating. Then again, for him it’s totally amusing to tease Robert with this private information, which is a little old but still so useful.

“Mark? …Mats! Wonder where he is now? I hope not practicing though, that would be a complete disgrace to my profession.”

“And how you would know that?”

“Oh please, don’t let his ability to give great blow jobs cloud your judgement, Robert. You’re not being objective here, the guy was not made for this and you know it.”

Robert’s face goes from scarlet to grey. A few seconds later it goes scarlet again and his eyes fill up with a hot fury. But then he quickly has to try to regain some composure to be able to ask the same simple question, but with a different meaning to it this time.

“How would you know… that? Because, I didn’t give you details,” he mutters.

Why was Xabi suddenly feeling like he'd actually been aching for this day to come? Hmm, another mystery of the universe.

He’s enjoying it and he even has to look away for a moment to quickly smile to himself.

“I could give you details too, but to be honest I don’t think it’s necessary. Though if you want to hear about it, I don’t mind sharing with you.”

Xabi’s positive that Robert's first impulse is to punch in his face with glasses and all, but doing that would confirm that he actually cares about Mats, which is a thing that Xabi has suspected since day one. The anger that Robert is trying to contain at this moment is enough for Xabi to be able to conclude that yes, he _is_ still very much into the handsome and sweetly naive German that used to work for them. _Aw._

Robert doesn’t say a single word. He just gets up from his chair, grabs his coat and starts on his way to the exit.

Xabi innocently asks: "Where are you going? I thought you were in a hurry to finish this, ey!"

The only answer he receives is the image of Robert giving him the finger without even looking back at him. Xabi just laughs quietly, without any shame at all. He knows he’s being a prick, but just like he expects from a witness on the stand, he feels it's only right to _give nothing but the truth, the whole truth, so help me God_. Living that way has its risks and not everybody is prepared to face up to them. Not even some of the best litigants at his firm.

Anyway, he has plans for make it up to Robert later. A nice thing to look forward to.

 

~.~

The clock on the wall strikes at eight pm. It’s a beautiful, 1920s restored clock that Mourinho bought at an auction three years ago and that Xabi has loved it since the first time he laid eyes on it. 

He sighs, but not just because of the vintage piece. Exactly two hours ago Nagore gave birth and he was supposed to be at the clinic with her and Mikel, he had promised them that. Unfortunately his bosses had another plan for him today, what perfect timing! When Pep came into his office at the exact moment that Mario was handing him the balloons with “Welcome Little Princess!” written on them in pink letters, the white roses and a huge teddy bear, Xabi rolled his eyes. Because when Pep goes straight to your office, it can only mean one thing: an unplanned meeting.

Pep looks at him almost apologetically and promises him that _it’ll take just an hour, we want to discuss..._ blab, blab and blab. When he enters the meeting room and sees the associates and Mourinho laughing amiably, and the office assistant serving coffee and muffins, he internally swears in all the languages he knows.

That was four hours ago and Xabi has eaten three muffins. What a fucking disgrace.

Finally at 8:30 pm he's free to go. He hurriedly shakes hands with his superiors, waves goodbye to everyone and bolts to his office. There he grabs the balloons, the flowers, and the teddy bear. He struggles a bit with fitting everything in his classic Mercedes convertible, but he manages it in the end. On his way to the clinic he almost gets caught when he passes a red light.

When he finally makes it to the maternity ward, a nurse is actually expecting him. The visiting hour ended a couple of hours ago, but Mikel had told her that a relative was coming from Spain to visit the baby. And of course nobody can deny Mikel something, not when he asks things with that smile of his and puts on his famous charm.

Xabi spots Mikel in the maternity ward, talking through his mobile. When he catches sight of Xabi, he ends the call and looks at him with the biggest smile and bright eyes. He walks over to him and hugs his friend very tightly. 

“Sorry, I tried to be here on time.”

“It’s fine Xabi. You’re here now, and that is a huge bear!”

Mikel takes the roses and the balloons from Xabi's hands and guides him to Nagore's room. Xabi hesitates a moment before entering and his friend sees this. With a smile he says to him _come on,_ _they’re waiting for you,_ and thankfully that’s all Xabi needs to hear to feel brave enough. He nods and when he’s inside, the image that greets him knocks the air out of his lungs. ~~~~

Nagore is cradling a little baby, softly murmuring to her in a singsong tone. She looks beautiful and her face lights up even more when she sees her best friend put a huge bear on the sofa and walk over to her bed.

“Emma, Xabi’s here. Look, is your uncle! Your uncle is here to see you!”

Xabi thought that this was going to be very simple, something he could handle. It was going to be exciting, yes, but mostly for his friends. He is just the donor that they oh so conveniently decided to name as uncle. Maybe it's the natural way that their (initially quite uneasy) situation has developed over the past nine months that has foolishly led him to believe that seeing this child for the first time wasn't going to be a big deal. It turns out that he was in no way prepared for the rush of feelings he experiences when  Emma's oh so tiny hand grabs his finger.

And that's not all.

“You want to hold her?”

Xabi’s fearful face makes Nagore laugh.

“I don’t think that's a good idea, no.”

“Yes, I want to take a picture!”, Mikel says from behind him.

“No, no.”

It’s too late now, he’s trapped between the bed and Mikel.

“Come on, I’ll put her in your arms. It’s not so difficult, I held her when she was two hours old.”

“But you’re her father!”

The understanding look in Mikel’s eyes makes him swallow hard and _God_ , he’s so frightened right now. Mikel takes the baby from Nagore’s arms and kisses her softly on the lips and then he gently, very carefully places Emma in Xabi’s arms. 

“Careful with the head.”

Emma looks at him with big eyes, she’s so small and delicate. Xabi feels his heart skip a beat, probably even two.

“She’s so beautiful,” is the only thing that Xabi says. 

“She’s perfect, we couldn’t ask for more.”

“Hola Emma, eres perfecta, _amatxo_ tiene razón.”

“You’re the first one talking to her in Spanish. Even her grandparents used their bad English to greet her,” Mikel says while caressing his wife’s hand, sitting by her side on the bed.

“I’ll teach her swearing in Euskera, that is going to be fun.”

“Of course you will. She’ll swear in Euskera and Spanish with Scouse accent, she’s going to be tough!”

“I’m so delighted to hear that the purpose of both of you in her life is going to be teaching her bad words.”

“That’s the job of the uncle, Nagore. Her dad is going to be the boring one, demanding her to organize her shirts according the colour. I can see that coming.”

“I don’t do that…anymore!” Mikel sticks out his tongue at Xabi.

Nagore looks at her husband with the most mischievous smirk and Xabi laughs. Emma starts to make a whining sound in Xabi’s arms and he immediately panics. He quickly returns the baby to Nagore and only starts breathing again once she's fallen back to sleep at the sound of her mother’s soothing voice. 

“She’s really gorgeous, guys. I’m very happy for both of you.”

“You made it possible, _tío_.”

Xabi’s heart warms at the idea of him being the one responsible for the best moment of their life. He carefully observes the scene unfolding in front of his eyes, Mikel and Nagore smiling sweetly to the sleeping baby in her arms, the three of them looking like a perfect family.

They’re a real family now and he’s glad that in a way he's become a member of their family as well.

Right now he can't that deny that Emma's birth is also feeling like it's one of the best moments of his life. (He secretly makes it the best one, later.)

He spent that night in the hospital, Mikel and Nagore sleeping on the bed and he on the sofa, close to Emma’s cradle.

~.~

_Five months later._

Xabi stirs from his sleep at the sound of the alarm, _why is that goddamn thing blaring on a Saturday at 6:30 am!?_

When he checks his mobile, he realises it’s Friday and _oh_. He's just annoyed because he hasn’t had enough sleep. It’s totally his fault though. That’s what happens when you decide to go clubbing on a Thursday night. That's the last time he listens to one of Robert's suggestions.

He gets up and goes to the bathroom, swaying a little and fuck, maybe he’s still a little drunk. While he’s brushing his teeth he makes a vow to himself to never again go clubbing in the middle of the week. He puts on his Calvin Klein boxers and pajama pants to go to the kitchen, today he's going to need a strong, black coffee to wake himself up. When he gets to his kitchen, he stops dead in his tracks, _what the fuck?_

He wasn’t expecting to find a guy in _his_ kitchen, making toast and frying bacon and _ugh,_ his stomach wasn’t happy with this sight either.

“Good morning,” the guy sounds quite enthusiastic at this kind of hour on a Friday morning and _shit_ , he doesn’t remember falling asleep alongside a body last night. He can remember fucking the hell out of this guy, but the  parts before and after the fucking are a bit of a blur.

“Uhm, yeah, morning. What are you doing here?”

There goes the good mood of… uhm, whoever this dude is. _Maybe I should care enough to remember their names the morning after if this happens again?_ Xabi thinks and he makes another vow to himself to from now on make sure that the one-night stands know that they have to leave his place once the fucking has finished.

“Breakfast?” the man answers in an unsure tone. He looks dumbfounded and Xabi has to gather up all of his strength to be civil and to not sound like too much of a bastard. 

“I’m not asking what's obvious…uhm…” _damn!_

“…Ryan.”

_Oh god…_ “Ryan, yes, right. I mean, _why_ are you still here?”

“Well, you didn’t say I couldn’t stay, I thought you wouldn’t mind, not after- ”

“I do mind and generally it’s implied, so I don’t need to say it. And I don’t do breakfast, so you can take that away with you. Nice to meet you Ryan, close the door on your way out.”

Xabi’s in the shower when he hears the door slam shut. It sounds like it has broken at the bang.

_Well_ , that might only be fair.

_

Of course, a particular person witnessed Ryan's thunderous exit.

“Mr. X!”

“Hi Ellie, good morning.”

Ellie, the teenage daughter of Doctor and Mrs. Jones greets him as he's waiting in front of the elevator on his floor. The girl is struggling with Bob, her huge monster of a dog that on a couple of occasions has forced Xabi to take a second shower before going into work. Because, as a very amused Ellie once told him, Bob _likes_ him. And apparently when Bob likes you, he tends to show you his appreciation by drooling all over your clothes and face.

“Morning Mr. X, you look great in that suit by the way.”

“Thanks Ellie.”

“I was worried for you, someone left your apartment very early and that person wasn’t happy at all, I suspect.”

“You don’t have to worry Ellie, he needed to go early.”

“Oh…really?” The malice in the girl’s voice is terribly annoying, not to mention the smirk on her face.

“How is school?”

“Boring as usual. That guy was very cute, Mr. X.  You have an impressive record, I must say.”

“Nosing around again, Ellie?”

“I wasn’t, I swear! Bob needed to walk early and well, we crossed paths with your guest, it's not my fault.”

The elevator doors open and Xabi enters as the young lady keeps watching him with a smile on her face and Bob is still trying to reach for his shoes.

“Have a good day, Mr. X.”

“Bye Ellie.”

The elevator closes and Xabi sighs deeply. _This is going to be a long day_ and he’s not looking forward to it at all.

_

Long day turned out to be the understatement of the century. He was planning to go home at five pm, but he actually can’t remember the last time that happened. So why did he think it was going to be a possibility on this day? Not a clue.

At six-thirty pm, he receives a call from Mikel. Tonight he and Nagore are traveling to Monaco to celebrate their anniversary. It’s the first time that they’re going to leave Emma with her grandmother for a full weekend and they’re feeling guilty already. Xabi has promised them that he will visit his niece and Nagore’s mom and will keep an eye on them while they’re gone.

“Yes Mikel, I’ll go to your house tomorrow. Hombre, you’re going to have a lovely time with your wife, you need to relax!”

“ _Yes, I know. It’s just-”_

“Nada, just fucking go! Say hello to Nago from me.”

“ _Ok, ok, I will. Adios, see you on Monday.”_

“You bet buddy, see you in a bit.”

Xabi hangs up his phone and goes back to his notes. Some time later he falls asleep on his keyboard.

At ten-thirty pm his mobile starts ringing incessantly and wakes Xabi abruptly. He’s half asleep when he answers the call, until he hears something that makes him feel fully awake, but terribly confused.

“Excuse me, can you repeat that?”

_“Mr. Alonso, I'm calling from the Broadgreen Hospital. There's been a car accident, I’m afraid we have bad news…”_

_

Xabi can’t remember exactly how he got to the Hospital. He must have driven there on autopilot because his mind was somewhere else. He was back in San Sebastian playing footie with Mikel on the beach, he was kissing Nagore for the first time in her family’s kitchen, he was laughing with them at their engagement party, he was mocking them on their wedding day, he was watching Nagore cuddling with Emma and Mikel making her bottle.

He makes an effort to not let tears fall from his eyes, because once he gets to the emergency unit he's still expecting to hear that his best friends are fine, that they made it out of the accident alive and that they are safe. 

He immediately knows it was all in vain when he sees Nagore’s mother crying inconsolably while a doctor is trying to talk to her.

Xabi feels his world falling into pieces.

“I’m sorry Mrs. Aranburu, we did everything we could to save her,” he hears the doctor say.

He touches the crying woman's arm, “Martina…”

The pain in her eyes, the sound of her sobs, how hard she was hugging him… Xabi's mind goes blank and the doctor’s words sound like an echo in his brain.

Mikel died in the crash. Nagore made it to the hospital and fought for her life, but it was too late.

His friends are gone and Xabi can’t process anything, he feels numb.

The part of him that can still function is feebly attempting to comfort his friend’s mother. The rest of him is hopelessly trying to find an explanation for why this is happening.

He and Martina end up spending all the night in the hospital filling in forms, talking to doctors, and making the necessary arrangements.

Very late (or rather very early) Xabi goes back to his apartment and once he’s inside his legs fall out from under him and he drops to the floor, his back against the door, his eyes closed and his heart broken in two.

Everything is sinking in now and his body starts shaking uncontrollably, his sobs filling up the air around him. 

It’s so painful, everything hurts and even more when he thinks of Emma.

He feels like he has lost a part of himself last night and he can’t stop the pain from consuming him, it's piercing through his chest. He cries and cries until he falls asleep on the floor.

He wakes up like that later, when the sun is covered with grey clouds and the rain is soaking the city.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you know, this is fiction and just that. I love Mikel ok? And I have sort of a crush on most of Nagore's coats. So, just in case I mean no harm with this :)
> 
> Margarita :-* gracias totales!!!


	3. "The banana usually works for them"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a charming prince with a white horse at the end.

It’s cold and wet outside. It’s been raining non-stop since the night of the accident. Today the rain is falling even harder than on previous days, Xabi notices while he's watching the drops drawing lines on the window of the guest room in Nagore and Mikel’s house.

It’s a beautiful house, Mikel designed it and it was finished a year before Emma’s birth. It’s big, but with no intentions of being pretentious or pompous. On the contrary, it has big windows and the light from outside is always welcomed in, the furniture is nice and simple, and there is a playroom for Emma. They had always wanted kids, so Mikel didn’t hesitate in reserving a space of the house devoted to the possibility of one day having a little one around.

That’s what makes Xabi’s insides shatter, when he thinks about what’s going to happen now. He tried to be strong during the funeral service, the last thing he wanted was to break down there, in front of everyone. Under the rain he had to watch their coffins get covered by dirt. He'd looked at the way Mikel's father tried to hold on to his inconsolable wife as tightly as possible and he could see how Martina's eyes seemed to be lost in the horizon, Nagore's father and brother were at her side and they looked just as lost.

He had remained stoic, his mother holding onto his arm. She wanted to be there, knowing how difficult it was going to be for him, even though he had tried to convince her that it wouldn’t be necessary. But he should have known that trying to say no to Doña Isabel is pointless, because she always makes her mind up way before she even asks him for his opinion.

Either way, Xabi’s grateful for it now, if he's honest.

After the service, everyone traveled to Nagore and Mikel's house for the reception. Xabi just couldn’t be with everyone in the living room, so that's why he’s hiding in the guest room. He can’t bear the pitying looks on the people’s faces, especially the ones they get when they see Emma in Martina’s arms.

He's probably also just being a coward, but he honestly doesn’t give a fuck about that right now.

Isabel enters the room and Xabi wipes away the salty water that has fallen on his cheeks. He remains on the bed, still watching the window, although by now he has lost count of the drops on the glass. 

“Emma is so big. It’s been a while since the last time I saw her.”

“That was three months ago, Ama.”

“Well, kids grow so fast. She looks like you, a lot.”

“That’s what Nagore said all the time.”

“And she was right.”

Xabi looks so young, so fragile and sad, that Isabel for a moment forgets the more prominent cold and calculating side of her son, who likes to act so sure of himself most of the time. 

“I always had them near me. Since I came here, they were around and now… now they’re gone, Ama.”

“I know, I’m sorry, hijo.”

“I can’t stop thinking about what’s going to happen with _her_.”

Isabel stares at her son, holding his hand. She wants to say something, but for some reason she doesn't have the strength to say it. Not to Xabi… especially not to him.

“I think…Martina told me-”

He’s interrupted by a knock on the door. It’s Santi Cazorla, Mikel and Nagore’s lawyer.

“Hola, sorry if I'm intruding. Xabi, we have to meet soon, okay? There’s some arrangements that we need to take care of. I know it’s a terrible time but you, Mikel's and Nagore's parents are all named in the testament. There are specific instructions laid out in their will for all of you. You think you can come tomorrow, to Mikel’s office? Around two o’clock?”

Xabi and Isabel share a look, confusion drawing on Xabi’s face, but there’s a hint of hope slightly visible, almost imperceptible, in his mother’s eyes.

 “Ok, I’ll be there. Thanks Santi.”

“No problem. I’m going talk with Martina. See you then.”

Santi closes the door and Xabi is left to wonder about what is so important that he needs to be there. He hadn't yet thought about those things, the formalities of who’s going to take care of Mikel’s business or Nagore’s jewellery. The only thing that has been on his mind is the care of Emma. He’s been mentally preparing himself for having to travel to San Sebastián to see Emma, because he’s convinced that she’s going to be living there with Nagore’s parents. That makes the most sense after all.

He’s so tired and he doesn’t want to think about that stuff right now. Isabel quietly sits with him in the room for a while until Miranda, Emma’s nanny, enters the room with the baby, who’s biting on a plush toy. When she sees Xabi, she smiles and throws her little arms up to her uncle.

Xabi’s heart breaks again as he takes the baby. She plays with his tie while he tenderly strokes the soft hair on her little head.

“I’m so sorry, pequeñita. You’ll never know how much they loved you…”

Isabel can’t remember the last time she saw her son this vulnerable. It makes her incredibly sad, but at the same time seeing Xabi with his daughter like this makes her feel as if maybe this terrible thing has happened for a reason. Sometimes the worst thing that can happen to you is the same thing that can make you learn how much you're capable of.

Or maybe that’s what she wants to make herself believe.

She doesn’t mention any of this to Xabi, she'd rather take in the most endearing sight she could be seeing at any moment. Which is actually quite an unexpected sight, truth be told.

_Well,_ she thinks, _he's with his daughter after all._

In that moment Isabel decides that she is going to stay in Liverpool for a couple of weeks longer. _Just in case._

~.~

Xabi’s running late. It’s 2:30 pm when he enters Mikel’s old office, half an hour later than planned. He'd made a stop at his firm first, which started with Pep offering his condolences, but which then turned into a meeting that lasted three hours, _so typical._

He apologizes for the delay and takes the seat next to Martina. Mikel’s parents are chatting in low tones and Santi clears his throat to get everyone’s attention.

“Okay, so now that Xabi’s here, we can start then…”

Santi reveals that Mikel and Nagore named their respective parents as the ones responsible for the management of their businesses, until Emma is old enough to take care of them. Xabi is hardly paying attention, he’s trying to deal with the fact that everything regarding his friends is being reduced to statements and things to be shared between their relatives. He really can’t stand it.

“…and it’s our wish to name Xabier Alonso Olano as the guardian of our daughter Emma Arteta Aranburu-”

“…What?”

“…Who we believe is totally capable-”

“What?”

“To raise her in a loving environment-”

Xabi is gaping, looking at Santi with wide eyes. He’s still talking, but Xabi has stopped hearing him two sentences ago, because seriously, _what the hell has he just said?_

It’s not until Martina touches his hand that Xabi comes out of his stupor and he then tries to say something coherent, but he ends up gaping again and  he is suddenly starting to sweat and his mouth is getting dry and-

“Can you… can you repeat that?”

“Eh, which part?”

“The part where my name is mentioned…could you, please…?”

“It’s our wish to name Xabier Alonso Olano as the guardian to our daugh-”

“WHAT??”

Xabi stands up abruptly, which makes Santi almost fall out of his chair. Martina stands up right after he does, trying to calm him down, because he’s looking pale and green and he’s now seemingly starting to hyperventilate as well.

“Is that what it says, really?" Mikel’s mother asks in a perplexed tone.

“Y-yes… it’s their words, we wrote this together a month after Emma’s birth-”

“You wrote THAT!!??”

“Xabi, calm down-”

“Calm down!!?? Calm down!!?? They named me as guardian, they’re leaving Emma to ME! How the fuck can I calm down!?”

“Maybe we should go outside for a while, Xabi, don’t you think?" Martina gently coaxes him.

 "Santi, can we have a couple of minutes?”

“Eh, yes Martina of course.”

“Come on, you need some fresh air.”

_

To be honest he needs more than fresh air, he needs something stronger like... alcohol. He desperately looks for the cigarettes inside the pocket of his suit jacket. When he finds them, he takes them out and places one of them between his lips. He tries to light it, but he ends up fumbling with the lighter and he feels completely miserable. Finally Martina takes pity on him and lights the cigarette for him. 

 “You seriously need to consider the fact that you have to quit those if you’re going to be taking care of my granddaughter.”

“Me taking care of Emma? That is nonsense.”

“Why exactly is it nonsense? It makes perfect sense to me. You’re after all her biological father, right?”

“Martina, I can’t be a _father_. I live a life far removed from that prospect, I just can’t do it.”

“Well my darling, it seems that you don’t have a choice here, you’re legally her father now.”

“I can’t…What were they thinking, huh?”

“They were thinking what was the most logical, natural and secure option for their daughter.”

Xabi looks at her like saying _that’s not true and you know it._

“Don’t give me that look, Xabi. I’ve raised my children, I’m not young anymore, neither are Mikel’s parents. If they made this choice, it was because they want the best for her and they’re right. I don’t think she could do better with me or her other grandparents. It’s you who they wanted and it’s going to be you. So grow up for once, quit smoking and face the fact that you have now a person that depends on you, that needs you. Face your share of the responsibility of the decision that you made with them.”

“Why do you sound like you knew this all along?”

Martina gives him a sad smile as she grabs his hand and starts to tenderly stroke it.

“I knew my daughter well enough, Xabi, she trusted you with all her heart. I bet she didn’t blink, nor Mikel, when they wrote your name in that will.”

Xabi looks desperate, terrified. He throws away what remains of his fag and inhales deeply.

“I don’t know how to handle this...”

“You’re going to be fine, trust me. Come on, we need to go back and sign those papers.”

_

They wanted Emma to be raised in their home, but Xabi thought that he wouldn’t be able to bear living in that house, at least not for now. He decided to move Emma’s things to his flat, but when everything arrived, he completely panicked. His mother - who by the way was too damn excited at the prospect of Xabi raising a child, God knows why - suggested to paint the “guest room”, that's now called “Emma’s room”, with pastel colours and she later decorated it with Martina’s help. Now he is surrounded by two strollers, a cradle, a play seat for babies and suffering from a massive headache.

He asked for a couple of weeks off from work. He told his bosses that he needed to take care of some legal things regarding his friends and they didn't hesitate in giving him the free time. They even said _take all the time you need,_ because this was only the first time in eight years that Xabi has asked them for time off. He didn’t have the guts to tell them the exact reason why he needs the time, mostly because he himself still can’t really believe his current situation. 

He couldn’t be more grateful for the fact that Emma's two grandmothers stayed to help him with this crazy situation of him suddenly becoming a dad. They actually trained him in how to make a bottle, how to change diapers - Xabi was terrified the first time Doña Isabel left him to deal with it alone - and how to calm Emma when she’s upset because of colic or when she’s hungry. It wasn't as difficult as he'd imagined, but now that Martina has already gone back to San Sebastian to her family and his mother is currently taking her suitcase and about to reach his front door, Xabi feels the need to run and block her exit. He hugs her and begs: “Ama please, don’t leave me.”

“Xabi, we talked about this, I need to go. You’re going to be fine. You are fully capable of handling this.”

“No, please, stay. I can’t do this all alone!”

“You’re not alone, Xabi, Miranda will help you.”

“She’s going to help me only when I’m at work. Ama, please stay with us.”

“What? And move here?”

“That would be lovely, yes, thanks!”

Isabel chuckles, but Xabi honestly doesn’t find this funny, at all.

“Well I’m surprised, I can’t really remember the last time I saw you like this. Xabi hijo, sometimes life chooses the most unorthodox ways to show us that what we think might be the best way of doing things or what might be the best way of living our lives, is actually bullshit. That baby is a gift, a precious one from the very beginning, and this is your chance to make something great of her. I truly believe that you’re perfectly capable of raising her. You’re brilliant and you always have been brave and determined, so I know that you’re going to do a terrific job. You just have to believe in yourself.”

“Ama, I didn’t hear the most important words…”

“Which words?”

“That you’re going to stay.”

“Oh Xabier, don’t play that game with your mother, darling. You always lose.”

Xabi sighs, because he knows she’s right. There’s no way he can sweet-talk his mother into staying, not when she knows him so well.

“I’m going now. I’ll call when I get home.”

Isabel bends down to Emma, who's sitting in her play seat and is drooling on a toy.

“Goodbye, my precious baby. Take care of your Papá, all right? Aw, you’re such a sweetheart. I’m going to miss you, my love!” She coos at her.

“Yeah, me too,” Xabi sighs and when his mother kisses him and finally takes her suitcase and leaves the apartment, he feels too scared to turn around and face the little human who’s currently squishing and babbling with her plush toy. When she suddenly screams a few minutes later, Xabi takes in as much air as he can before he turns and comes face-to-face with his daughter, alone, for the first time.

“Okay, Emma. What do you want to do?”

_

It’s two in the morning when Xabi is almost falling asleep on the rocking chair and when Emma is wide awake, drinking from her bottle. The rocking chair is the only thing (aside from Emma’s stuff) that he chose to take from his friends' house. It’s a very beautiful, wooden piece, as refined and classic as Nagore. He remembers that Emma would usually look very calm and would quickly drift off to sleep in her mother’s arms when she was being rocked back and forth in the chair. These days It’s not exactly working quite as well it used to, but even though it doesn't put her to sleep, it does keep his restless daughter quiet in the middle of the night.

It has been exactly two weeks since he was left alone with Emma and well, it has been a complete nightmare. His baby is usually quiet and charming when he arrives home at 5:30 pm (he misses the time when he could stay at his office until midnight), but exactly at 8:30 pm, when it's her bed time, she wants to play, cry, eat and everything else. And _God knows how_ , but she always seems to shit herself again right after he's just changed her diaper. Xabi is completely convinced that his daughter likes to torture him, judging by the little smirk on his baby’s face when he's trying to not start crying because he has to change her - again. He has lost count of how many times he has had to come from the parking lot of his building back to his apartment in the mornings, because he's discovered a piece of poop on his suit. And one time he almost entered his office with a lovely stain of sick on his shirt. His £950 Armani shirt.

Apparently Emma has inherited her father's taste in clothes, judging by how much she seems to enjoy shitting and vomiting on his £5000 suits and his most expensive t-shirts and shirts. It's either that or she’s punishing him for whatever shit he has done in his past life.

The situation at the office hasn't exactly been a walk in the park lately either. His nights are very long with a baby in the flat, he’s lucky to manage 3-4 hours to sleep, which means he's been falling asleep on his keyboard and during meetings and in the bathroom. Generally Mario has been the one to wake him up with a cup of coffee. Robert has been demanding explanations for why he’s the one who now taking care of all the things that are pending after 5:00 pm. _Xabi, what’s the matter with you? Why are you running all the time?_

But still, Xabi can’t tell anyone in his job about what's going on. _Oh, I’m sorry, it’s just I’m father now, I have a baby waiting for me in my flat to drool and shit on me. My nights now consist of changing diapers and pushing her around the apartment in a stroller until she finally decides it's the time to sleep. I’ve aged ten years in two fucking weeks and there’s not a single shirt that I possess that doesn’t have the signature of my daughter on it…now can I die?_

The rant sounds liberating in his head, but it’s reduced to a mere thought the minute he receives the glare of his partner.

He just sighs and says that he’s taking care of something regarding his recently passed friends. 

“Xabi, I think you’re hiding something from me.”

Xabi rolls his eyes and starts to grab his things because _hey_ , it’s 5:00 pm and Miranda only can wait for him until thirty minutes past five and God he’s so tired and _it’s been only two weeks!_

_

One night, when he’s on the verge of desperation, he calls the only person who he thinks might be able and willing to help him. When he opens the door, Robert looks amazingly fresh, well-dressed and ready to go out to wherever. Xabi hugs him very tightly and by this point Robert has become slightly concerned over the weird attitude of his friend.    

“Xabi, come on, what’s wrong? You sounded a bit panicked over the phone.”

“Robert, thank God you’re here. I need help!”

“Ok, I’m here…what is-”

Emma starts crying and Xabi groans and goes back inside to pick up his daughter. Robert remains frozen by the door.

“Xabi…is that a baby?”

 “No Robert, it's a dog! Of course its a baby, what does it look like?”

“Why do you have a baby here, mate?”

“Could you please close the door and come in?”

Robert looks uncertain, but he decides to comply to his friend’s request.

“Robert, this is Emma, my daughter.”

“Your what?!”

Xabi exhales loudly, Emma is still crying. Under his friend’s worried gaze he goes to the kitchen to make her a bottle.  To Robert he seems to be an expert, he’s holding the baby with one arm and the other one is shaking a plastic holder containing white liquid. It’s a very strange image, one that Robert in his life has never imagined seeing, at least not featuring the Xabi that he thought he knew. It’s pretty confusing. 

“I was named her guardian by my friends in their testament. I’m her father now, legally. That’s why I can’t stay at work after 5:00 pm anymore and why I generally look like shit lately. It’s been a while since I’ve had 7-8 hours of sleep in one night, Robert. I need help!”

Robert blinks one, two, three times and gives his friend an incredulous look.

“What on Earth makes you think that I can help you with this?”

“Because two can make this a little easier than one, right? Like can you hold her while I’m making her food? You could help me change her? Things like that, I don’t know, anything!”

“I know shit about babies, Xabi! Are you out of your mind? Find a nanny!”

“She has a nanny, but only until 5:00 pm!”

“Well marry one, then she can live here and help you with her.”

“That’s funny, Robert.”

“And what do you want me to say? I don’t have any idea of how to deal with a baby, the only thing I know is that they eat, sleep and shit all the time!”

“You know enough, I'm sure.”

“You seem to know more than me, look how calm she is now.”

This is the most surreal image Robert that has ever witnessed, Xabi feeding a baby and looking totally natural while doing it.

“Sometimes I don’t know what I’m doing and that scares the shit out of me.”

“Judging from what I'm seeing right now, I disagree with you, mate.”

“And I don’t have any idea of how to tell this to the board, I know I have to be honest with them, but I just can’t do it.”

“Just tell them the truth.”

Xabi looks at him for a moment and then to his daughter who's looking up at him with big, hazel eyes and who's still contentedly sucking on her bottle. He realizes in that exact moment that the consequences of raising this child could really change his life in even more drastic ways than he'd previously thought. No matter how much he's been trying to find a balance between his past and this present, he never imagined himself carrying a baby in the middle of his kitchen in front of his friend/occasional lover. It hits him like a ton of bricks when he realizes that his entire intimate life is never going to be the same again.

Because let’s be honest, who would want to spend a night with him when there is a crying baby in the other room? Robert hasn't moved from his spot since he was introduced to the baby and the terrified look he has in his eyes now is a clear indication that seeing Xabi feeding his baby is not just a boner killer for Robert, it’s most likely a shutdown of his sex life with anyone - for good.

“Xabi listen, I have to-”

“You can go now. Thanks for coming, Robert. Sorry for the bad timing.”

Robert doubts for a moment if it’s right to leave his friend alone when he earlier had called him for help, but one, he has a date and two, he doesn’t ever want to get involved in this type of a situation, like ever.

 “There are other options, Xabier, you know that it doesn’t have to be like this.”

Robert opens the door and leaves the flat of his friend as fast as he can. After he leaves, Xabi keeps staring at the closed door, turmoil in his head, because he knows exactly what Robert was talking about. He considered it three days ago, when it was 1:30 in the morning and Emma was screaming at the top of her little lungs, but just the thought of it makes Xabi feels terrible and guilty.

He tries to reason with himself that he can’t give Emma what she needs, because he’s incapable of creating a healthy and normal environment for her, something that could come close to the family she was supposed to have. Just thinking about what she's missing out on is terribly unsettling.

She deserves more than this.

The next day he goes to the Social Services office during lunch time, having made his mind up. But while he’s there, uncertainty and mostly fear invades him. A sweet lady talks to him in a very smooth voice and she makes it clear at several points during their conversation that _You need to be completely sure that you want to do this, Mr. Alonso. It’s a difficult decision and once you make it, there’s no turning back. As a lawyer yourself, I'm pretty sure you know what I’m talking about._

The knowing smile that graced the lady’s features when he looked at her directly felt like a stab in his stomach or something like that and in that moment he realized that he couldn't actually go through with it.

He can’t give up on his six month-old baby and maybe more importantly, he can't betray his beloved friends. They had counted on him to take care of Emma and giving her up would feel a bit like he would be violating the trust that they must have had in him.

He returns to the office, slightly defeated and far from relieved, but at least with the hope that he might be doing the right thing.

Maybe.

It’s not surprising to Robert when he hears the decision his friend has made. From what he saw the other night, it seemed highly unlikely that Xabi could make himself apart from that little package of trouble. Maybe she’s cute and all that, but to Robert she signifies only trouble.

“Are you sure that it’s what you really want?”

Xabi is holding his head in his hands and counting to ten, an old habit he learned when his mother used to scold him when he was much, much younger.

“Do you have another question?”

“When are you going to tell to Mou and Pep?”

“An easier one, please, mate.”

“I’m sorry, buddy, but you've now made a choice, so deal with it.”

_

“Hello Miranda.”

“Mr. Alonso, you’re late! Now I have to run to be on time for my class. Emma had a little fever earlier, but I gave her the medicine and she’s better now. She didn’t like the carrot food, so we tried the pumpkin instead. See you tomorrow, take care! Bye!”

Xabi watches his nanny run out of his flat and _God_ , he’s so tired. It has been a long day. At the end of the day he had to stand before his two bosses and finally tell them the truth. The faces of both of them were priceless at first, but worryingly they remained silent for a couple of long minutes. In the end they tried to have sympathy for his situation, since both of them are parents as well.

Not exactly in the way Xabi is, but still, dads.

Xabi of course did try to make it abundantly clear that he wasn't going to let his current situation interfere with his job and that his commitment to Gordon & Mackenzie remained unchanged. Judging by his bosses’ expressions, it was clear that they weren't quite convinced of that.

What Xabi doesn’t know is that they believe it’s just too damn hard for him to maintain the standard they’re used to with regard to his performance. Mou was the one who broke the silence and simply said _Just remember, Xabier, you have made a choice. Just keep that in mind._

_What the fuck did that mean?_

He decides that for today he has worried about his future enough. He grabs his daughter and her stroller and goes out for a walk in the park. Maybe the clean, fresh air can help ease his mind. But it's actually the laugh of his baby and the way she holds onto his fingers with her little hands while he's fixing her coat, that is enough to warm his heart and make him forget about all of his worries. In that moment he can't forgive himself for ever even thinking that giving up on her would have been the best solution. He hugs her tightly and when he looks up to the sky, he murmurs _I’m sorry._ He also promises Emma with a heavy heart that he’s going to do his absolute best to not screw anything up.

And he means it. For once.    

~.~

 “Mr. X! It’s great to see you.”

“Hello Ellie, how was your vacation?”

Ellie looks dumbfounded when she notices that her favourite neighbour is walking out of the elevator with a stroller carrying a baby. Even Bob stops dead in his tracks.

 “Uhm…great. My cousins tried to teach me some Spanish so, I’ll practice with you.”

“That’s good Ellie.”

“Mr. Alonso, is that baby yours?”

“Yes Ellie, she’s mine. Her name is Emma.”

The teenager’s face makes Xabi laugh.

“I thought you were gay.”

“I still am, Ellie. But also I have a baby.”

“For how long wasn’t I around?”

“Well, I've been trying to be discreet. Now you caught me.”

Ellie goes on her knees and starts playing with Emma, who seems to be enchanted with the way the girl is making faces at her.

“How old is she?”

“She’s eight months.”

“Aw, she’s gorgeous. I love babies, if you need a hand with her you can knock on my door anytime, Mr. X, I’ve taken care of little ones before.”

“Really?” Xabi’s eyes go wide, every bit of help he can get with Emma is welcome. Especially some days after five, when he still has paperwork to do in the office. _Oh God_ , this is music to his ears-

“Mr. X? Are you ok?”

“Yes, of course. You know I can pay you, right?”

“Well, I wasn’t offering for that reason.”

“But I want to, it’s only fair.”

He doesn’t care if it sounds like he's begging, he’s so glad that the gossipy teenager might actually be useful for something. 

“Okay, Mr. X, we have a deal.”

And with that, Ellie has become in his new favourite person. Even the damn dog suddenly seems quite likeable.

_

“Okay, Emma, I know this is hard for you, but you have to make a choice. Based on our last experience, the apricot wasn’t exactly to your liking, so... This is the banana. Or would you like to take a risk on the apricot again? It’s your call.”

The baby in the shopping cart seat shows her only tooth to her father, before she starts babbling excitedly and jumping up and down in her seat, trying to reach for the apricot compote that Xabi is holding up with his right hand.

“Ugh Emma, the other day you threw all your food at me and it was the apricot. Why can't we just try banana?”

“Ba…ba…ba.”

“Yes, banana. Can you say it? Come on, BA-NA-NA…”

“Ba BA BAAA!!!”

“Yes! That’s right. You’re so smart and so gorgeous. Come on, give your father a kiss, mi princesita…”

It’s a beautiful public display of affection and Steven has to come closer, because are his eyes playing tricks on him or is that really Xabier Alonso?

“So you’re not going to trap me in this little game of yours, señorita… I’m going to choose for you and banana it's going to be.”

“The banana usually works for them, but if you don’t mind, I’m going to recommend you…this.”

Steven grabs the apple and banana compote and offers it with a smile to Xabi, who looks very flustered and a bit taken aback, completely surprised.

“Hello Xabier. It’s been a while, I believe two years?”

“Eh, something like that.”

_Yes, it must be two years ago._ Xabi remembers running into Steven and finding out that he had moved back to Liverpool around the same time that Mikel and Nagore had first come to ask him for his help.

 A curious conjunction of coincidences.

“And this little lady is?”

“Her name is Emma.”

“Well hello Emma, nice to meet you.”

Steven grabs her little hand and well, when Emma smiles in her sweet, baby way, Steven’s face lights up and Xabi's heart starts to melt right there and then. It's not every day that a handsome man appears and becomes enchanted with his baby. And Steven is still very handsome, more than he actually even remembers.

 “She looks like you, a lot. I know I’m missing something here. From what I recall, you having a child was pretty much the last thing I should have ever expected to see and I’m not saying that because…you know.”

Steven says while holding Emma’s hand and looking Xabi straight into his eyes.

“Yeah, quite the turn of events, I must say. It’s a long story.”

“Well it’s almost lunch time, you can let me invite you and I’ll be all ears. And this little princess is invited as well. What do you say Emma? You want to join us for a meal? You can have your banana food, what do you say?”

“Babababaaa!”

“It’s all settled then?” Steven looks at him for an answer.

And of course, he can’t say no to Steven Gerrard, not when he’s asking you with that lovely smile of his and not when you see how smitten he looks with your little baby. 

That last part is something completely unexpected for Xabi. He's glad that there are still little things that people can surprise him with, although unexpected it’s strangely pleasant.

_

Steven blinks at Xabi, his plate almost empty. Emma has pumpkin puree all over her face and her father is cleaning her with sad eyes. It’s still painful to talk about the reason why he’s raising a child on his own. His mood became very melancholic while he was reminiscing about his friends.

“I’m truly sorry, Xabs. I met them that time you took me to San Sebastian. Nagore was a lovely woman and Mikel was a funny guy.”

“Oh yes, we went to Anoeta together. You and Mikel started a quarrel about the midfielder and you went on till past midnight. Nago and I were like spectators.”

Steven smiles fondly at the memory.

 “Well you know how I am with football, and I was right.”

“Yeah, an obsessed fan.”

“Football is obsession, mate. And you live in Liverpool, so you know.”

“Don’t get me started on that.”

Emma is eating a piece of bread and Xabi notices the way Steven is staring at her.

“What you did for them, it’s not something that anyone would do, just like that. And what you’re doing right now, it takes a lot of courage to make that kind of decision.”

“I almost quit, but in the end I thought I wouldn’t have been able to forgive myself.”

“She seems happy, so I think you made the right decision. Ey Emma, what do you think? Daddy is doing pretty well, huh? Look at her, God! She's got your smile! Can I hold her?”

 “Sure.”

It starts at that moment, when Xabi sees this guy –who once found his way to go deep in him, figuratively speaking- holding his daughter and he sees how cute he looks while he's helping her with her bottle. Not to mention how lovely the sound of his little baby's laugh is while he's tickling her neck and her belly.

It starts right there, in the middle of that restaurant. Something that Xabi can’t quite put into words. He doesn’t know exactly what it is yet, but there is something, definitely.

“How do you know how to handle her so well?”

“I have several nephews and nieces; I changed the diapers of all of them, they’re my favourite people in the world. I was looking for some milk for the youngest one, that’s how I found you and this little lady in the supermarket. Quite a sight that was.”

“A shocking one.”

“Not exactly, maybe surreal is the best way to put it. Definitely an endearing one though.”

_You’re endearing,_ Xabi is surprised at how fast that thought pops into his head.

“So Emma, how about your father asks me for my number and maybe some other time you and I can have a proper date, huh? And, only with your approval, I could also take your Dad for a dinner. What do you say?”

“Ba…”

“That sounds like a yes to me” Steven looks at Xabi with a little twinkle in his eyes.

Xabi is left with Stevie’s card in his pocket and the sweet image of Emma being hugged goodbye by the man who he once seriously considered having…something more.

Any other time these kinds of things would have worried Xabi immensely, but right now it actually feels the opposite of that.

It’s strange how you can just change your mind about certain things, so easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the lovely people who are reading this...sorry for the long wait. It wasn't my intention but December was nuts! But I'm here, again. Happy new year!! Best wishes for all of you.
> 
> Margarita, thanks for your patience, again ;)
> 
> PS: I didn't tell you guys, I was slightly inspired by this [this](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092605/) when I plotted this little thing :)


	4. "We used to date in our uni years, so maybe you’re wrong about his type"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xabi feels suicidal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I can come up with a valid excuse... life happens. Sorry for the waiting :)

Xabi’s processing the words of his nanny that he's heard just a few seconds ago. Through the phone Miranda is excusing herself with a concerned tone, totally embarrassed saying that she can’t take care of Emma today because _my grandmother is very sick in the hospital and my mom is very stressed and alone and I have to catch a train to London, Mr. Alonso. I’m very sorry, but I can’t make it, at least for today…please forgive me._

It’s Friday the 15th and he has a very important meeting with the board and the rest of the lawyers today. He even stayed late yesterday and double-checked everything before going home. Ellie was too kind and agreed to stay with the baby until 6 pm, which gave him enough time to arrange his presentation and other stuff for today’s meeting. He really needed to prove to everyone that he was still equipped to handle his job, it was vital that nothing went wrong.

He feels the urge to jump out of his window. He thinks about who Emma's going to live with after he crashes his head on the pavement, because he’s certain that he's not going to survive a fall from the fourteenth floor. His windows are big and the view of the docks is truly amazing. It would be very early for such a gory scene on this strangely sunny morning in September. But it’s what he’s truly feeling right now, because what the fuck is he going to do?

Who is going to babysit his beautiful, little bunny today of all days?

Ellie is in the school, the grandmothers are in Spain and everyone he knows can barely take care of themselves, let alone a baby. There’s not a solution in sight for his problem right now.

He’s on the verge of a panic attack.

“Miranda, it’s okay – _of course it’s not_ -, I understand.”

“ _Mr. Alonso, I’m not going to charge you the next week, I’ll work free. I feel awful.”_

“Miranda, don’t worry _–but you should-_ we’re going to be fine – _not really because I feel suicidal, I want to die-.”_

He finishes the call and stares at his baby who’s chewing on a piece of chocolate cookie, her little face is all brown from the sweet dessert. He laughs bitterly to himself, because he can’t help but be smitten with the beautiful mess his daughter has just made, despite how tremendously frustrated he feels right now.

He has only one option… and to pray. Just in case a God exists. 

_Emma, please be a good baby today… Just for today._

_

“What!?”

“Please Mario, please… I beg you, take care of her while I’m in the meeting…please!”

“Mr. Alonso, I don’t know what to do with her, I’ve never taken care of a baby before. I can barely take care of my dog and well… shit.”

Mario wants to throw up from nerves when Xabi takes Emma and puts her in his arms. She stares at him and smiles with no teeth and Mario starts to panic when she suddenly babbles at him and grabs at his tie with her tiny hands.

“She’s an angel, trust me. If she starts to cry, just gave her the bottle and walk with her through the office. This is her favourite doll and her favourite book. Just read to her and she'll start to quiet down. Make sure to do the animal noises when you’re reading them.”

Mario is already far gone at this point. He sees his boss moving his lips, but he’s not really hearing him. He’s just trying to cope with the fact that he’s holding a baby -in the office of all places-, and that he’s going to actually have to babysit her for God knows how long and this definitely wasn’t written in any job description that was given to him when he was excitedly applying for this job.

“Mr. Alonso…”

“Mario, I need you…please.”

Xabi is actually begging, like really begging. Mario’s man crush on his boss starts to bubble up again somewhere deep inside him. No matter how bitchy Mr. Alonso can be with him, he idolises the man, because he’s so brilliant and he really would like _to be like him in a couple of years._ And right now he looks desperate and maybe he shouldn’t say no to his boss when he needs him the most... He’s trapped, isn't he?

_I’m going to ask for a raise…jerk!_

“Okay. I’ll do it.”

“Thank you Mario, thank you!”

Xabi can’t hold back his gratitude and kisses Mario’s cheek. The young man blushes furiously, completely embarrassed, but at the moment he also feels like he's achieved some big thing in his life and it quite frankly leaves him in a bit of a daze.

Ten minutes after Xabi's left him with Emma, he violently crashes back to reality when Emma decides to throw her favourite doll at him.

And not even his brilliant imitation of a cow can prevent her cries from eventually being heard across the entire 22nd floor of their building. 

_

Xabi is totally ignoring the buzz in his suit pocket that has been coming from his mobile for the last thirty minutes. He knows who it is and he’s worried as hell, but the meeting has started only 45 minutes ago and it’s not even close to being halfway over. Mourinho and Pep started the meeting by lecturing his colleague John Terry on how inappropriate it was for him to fuck the brains out of their biggest client's soon-to-be ex-wife and how much damage it could do to the company's pristine image if it got out. Mourinho ends his lecture by threatening one of the best litigants of the firm in his most menacing way, _Terry I swear to God if you don’t keep your dick in your pants, I’ll cut it off and fry it with garlic and I’ll make you eat it!_

Only Pep dared to smirk at his words, because the rest of team knows that when Mourinho is this pissed, it's better to keep your mouth shut and nod to everything he says - even nonsense like that.

Surprisingly, the meeting carries on smoothly after that and Robert is deftly laying on the charm during his amazing exposition about the prospect of one of the biggest oil companies hiring them as their legal advisers in all of their businesses. It's doing a great job in bringing out satisfied smiles on the faces of their bosses and it seems to have helped cool things down a little bit. That lasts until Mario came into the meeting with a crying baby, he looks very desperate and he has ... _is that baby food?_ all over his suit.

Xabi wants to disappear.

“Mr. Alonso, I’m so sorry, but she won’t stop crying and I even made the cow noises, but probably I’m not good enough-”

“Huh?”

“What is this? You have a baby?!?”

“How cute!” Frank says while the others are completely astonished at the fact that there’s a baby in the room and that it apparently belongs to Xabi… of all people. The only ones that aren’t looking surprised, but rather disappointed, are the bosses and Robert, who’s about to burst from rage because he was interrupted while in the middle of his very important presentation.

Mario is close to tears and Xabi is red from embarrassment and probably anger.

“It’s okay, Mario,” Xabi stands and goes to his assistant to get his baby, who finally stops crying once she can rest her little head on her father's chest.  She’s now happily sucking her little thumb and then quickly, almost magically, falls asleep.

“Excuse me, I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

As he's walking out of the meeting room Xabi doesn't miss how his bosses are sharing a concerned look. He feels almost certain now that something very concerning is going to happen and he doesn’t feel ready to face it.

He feels like his job is hanging by a thread, but admittedly that probably has been true for some time.

He takes a deep breath while holding his daughter, looking apologetic to a still frightened Mario who has written _Please don’t fire me_ all over his face.

Xabi smiles in an almost sardonic way, feeling a little bit guilty, because he wishes that it could be true. That the one who’s about to lose his job is someone other than him.

“Let’s go back to the office, shall we?”

 _

“Absolutely not! I’m not going to work on those mid-level cases, I won’t! That’s work for Mario or Juan, not me!”

“Xabi, you have to be realistic now.  Given the circumstances it would unfair to keep asking from you the same dedication that you've shown in the past. Believe that this is hard for us as well, but we’ve been concerned about you and we know how difficult it is for you to deal with all of this by yourself,” Pep says in a composed way, probably following from a script. He's trying to find a way to say the right words to one of their most important workers at the firm. Mourinho remains impassive, arms crossed and observing the rage that is apparent on Xabi’s features. They weren’t expecting their favourite worker to calmly accept their decision, but still, it’s uncomfortable to see him like this.

Xabi Alonso never loses his temper.

But, this is a new experience for him after all.

“To be honest with you guys, you know that me accepting a demotion is kind of impossible. I'm sorry, I’ve worked very hard to reach the position I’m in now and for me this is like going back five years. I can’t do that, I just can’t.”

His bosses can’t hide the disappointment on their faces as he's saying these words.

“Well Xabier, it seems that you have made a choice here, haven’t you?”

Mourinho’s sharp words are echoing in the back of Xabi’s mind, his lips remain sealed, his eyes are staring at a spot between the faces of his superiors. It seems like they're waiting for him to make it formal and truthfully, it’s a damn hard thing for him to say out loud.

In the end, he supposes it was to be expected. You can never have it all.

And this is just one more thing that can be added to the list of strange, inconceivable things that have happened to him this year.

When he returns to his office, the peculiar sight of Mario making dog noises and Emma giggling madly at the young lawyer feels surreal. At that moment he thinks that the only guaranteed thing in his life is his daughter and he tries to convince himself that nothing, not even his job –well, former job now- is as important as she is.

But deep inside him there's a voice that insists that his career is the much bigger achievement and when he listens to that he's overcome with guilt. His head feels cloudy and right now the only thing he knows is that he's very disappointed in himself.

“Is everything okay, Mr. Alonso?” Mario asks with an uncertain voice.

“Mario, I’ll need your help to gather my things. I think I’ll need some boxes.”

“What do you mean?”

“I have quit.”

_

Robert is standing outside Xabi’s ex-office door, watching as his colleague takes his books, his notes, his beautiful desk watch and puts them all inside a box. It's a sight that he honestly never expected to see. He always thought that Xabi was going to become Pep and Mou's closest ally in the upcoming years and that was always a very promising prospect, because with those three at the head of Gordon & Mackenzie, they would certainly have been a force to be reckoned with in the world of law.

But what you expect and what you end up facing can be two different things entirely. Xabi's reality right now is something he didn't expect to happen in a million years and he can't quite wrap his head around it yet. _Fucking Twilight Zone._

He should have known though. It's the natural consequence of his shitty decisions, as Robert would probably say.

 “I wish I could come up with something useful to say.”

Xabi glances at him and his expression makes Robert’s insides flinch.

He looks very vulnerable right now, which is quite a rare sight. Robert almost feels privileged to be allowed to witness it. If only Xabi would have shown that side of him in different circumstances, then he wouldn’t have had to feel guilty about drawing any satisfaction from it.

“Your silence is greatly appreciated.”

_It’s impossible for you to ever just be totally humble, isn’t it?,_ Robert smiles at his own thoughts.

“I really thought I could do it, that I could take good care of Emma and still maintain my workload as it was. I didn’t ever think that in the end I would have to make a choice between my daughter and my career. What about that, huh?”

“I've been hoping that you wouldn't have to choose between those options, but I’m sorry you have to, Xabi. I know how much your job means to you, I do.”

“Yeah.”

“Where’s Emma?”

“In the lobby with Mario. I needed a moment alone.”

“I… I hope everything sorts out for you, Xabi.”

“I hope that too.”

Xabi lifts the box off the table, a sad smile on his face as he walks through the door of his office for the last time. He moves past Robert, but before he leaves for the lobby, he turns to his friend, who is still standing by the door.

“You’re good enough, you know that, right?”

“Coming from you, that is a compliment.”

“I’m not kidding.”

“Me neither.”

Xabi closes the space between them and press his lips just slightly on Robert’s. Very light, a bit bittersweet and it feels like a closure of something that had evolved into something more than just a simple camaraderie between two colleagues.

It was good while it lasted, after all. Both of them realise that.

“Adios, be good.”

“You too.”

_

“You need anything else, Mr. Alonso?

“I’m okay, Mario, thanks for your help.”

Mario places Emma's stroller along with some boxes in the trunk of Xabi’s Land Rover. The baby has fallen asleep in her car seat, Xabi cleans the rest of the milk off her little face with a baby wipe.

“Mr. Alonso, I… I feel responsible-”

“Stop it Mario, it’s not your fault. You did your best. It wasn’t my right to put you in that situation, my apologies.”

“Well, it wasn’t that bad. She’s beautiful and really sweet! Apart from the crying, she’s really adorable. Although I would rather not change diapers again.”

Xabi smiles at that.

“Thank you Mario. You’ll be a success, you know? You have a lot of potential, just keep up the hard work and in a couple of years you’ll be winning the big cases.”

“That’s very kind of you, Mr. Alonso.”

“Good luck, Mario.”

“You too.”

_

At 7 pm Xabi’s in his flat, drink in hand and feeling miserable as hell. Emma is playing in her cradle and he’s watching her from the kitchen table, contemplating his little one. He’s wondering how he’s going to secure her a proper life now that he's quit his great job. He’s relieved that he at least has secured a great nanny to take care of Emma for the next couple of years, but he would like to provide her with the best education money can buy after that as well.

His head aches and he really needs air. And tons of alcohol.

He reaches for his phone and starts furiously texting to a number.

Fifteen minutes later, Ellie is walking into his apartment, snacks and sodas in hand. She's in her usual cheery mood and of course she's brought Bob, who goes over to happily greet a giggling baby. 

“Don’t worry, Mr. Alonso, of course I’ll take care of Emma, you deserve a night out! Just have fun, my parents know I’m here. Drive safe! I’ll call you if something happens, but I hope not!”

The teenager walks through the living room like she owns the place, the dog follows her around before he reclaims his spot on the big carpet in front of the sofa.

_How has it turned out like this?_

Xabi shakes his head, kisses Emma and thanks Ellie one more time for the big favour she’s doing him. Ellie almost pushes him out of the flat. He then stands still in front of the elevator for about fifteen minutes, until he decides that he does need a little break and that he should take this opportunity to have one.

Three hours and 7-8 glasses of scotch later Xabi is almost crying to the bartender, who's seeing red, because he's not in the mood to deal with miserable, rich sods right now. And this is not that kind of place anyway, it’s a very chic bar and restaurant, designated for classy business people and their important meetings.

“Sir, sure you’re okay? I think you need to go back home. Can I call you a taxi?”

“Pfffft, I’m terrific! This is what I needed! A date with Jack Daniels, because that’s the only man I could get right now, HAHAHA!”

“Yes, so I’ll definitely call a taxi for you…just give us a few minutes-”

“Shut up and fill my glass already!”

“Sir-”

 “Fill me up, I said!”

“Xabi?”

An elegant Steven Gerrard is staring at him, looking very dapper in his grey suit. He turns to say goodbye in a rushed manner to a bunch of old man in suits, who are definitely not as classy and _Hot!_ as he is.

“Steeebieeee! Damn, you look good.”

“Are you drunk?”

“You know him, Mr. Gerrard?”

“Ohh Mr. Gerrard, that sounds very appropriate for certain situations,” Xabi laughs hysterically before downing his _ninth?_ drink of the night in one go.

“Yeah Jim, I know him, you can get on with your job. Close his tab, put it on my account. Xabi, I think you've had enough. Come on, let’s go to your home.”

“Ugh, such a _caballero_ you are, but nah, I’m fineee. I don’t need any help I can go straight to-”

Almost straight to the floor, but thankfully Steven catches him before he hits his handsome, drunk face on the beige porcelain floor and leaves a red stain on it. Come to think of it, that would have been a _lovely_ way to end this endless day.

Xabi is totally amused, while Steven blushes from embarrassment and perhaps because Xabi smells really good, so good that the stink of whiskey is almost imperceptible. He helps Xabi to walk out of the place, hoping that the fresh air will help sober him up a little.

“I take it you didn’t come in your car, am I right?”

 “I’m not completely sure.”

“How wasted are you?”

“Mmmm, depends why you’re asking,” Xabi gives him a cheeky smile.

“Oi…”

Xabi’s beard tickles the skin on Steven’s neck and really, from what Steven can remember, a drunken Xabi has managed to entice him to do some very lewd things on several occasions, but now is not the time to think of that.

Something is off here, Steven can tell.

“Come on Xabs, stop. Ey, you live at the docks right? You mentioned that the other day.”

 “Emma likes you!”

“Yeah, I like her too.”

“Your car, sir.”

The young valet hands the keys to Steven and Xabi tries to wiggle himself inside of the car, but it’s a complete failure. Steven sighs.

After he's finally managed to get Xabi into the passenger's seat and before he drifts off to a drunken sleep, Steven needs Xabi to tell him his address. Luckily he can make sense of his slurred words.

Getting Xabi out of the car and making him walk to the elevator was another story entirely. The man can't stand up straight for even five seconds before falling over and Steven is getting more and more annoyed at this point.

 “Okay Xabi, you better have a good explanation for why you’re in this state. Although of course I doubt that your brain can work well enough to make you think of a good excuse."

“Oh I have a good excuse, yes. It’s ten months old, insanely cute and love to cuddle on my chest.”

“You’re talking about your daughter? She’s the reason why you’re drunk as hell?”

“Stevie, keep it down. Just…shhhhh.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think Emma should be used as an excuse for this irresponsible part of you. On the contrary… Shit, where are your keys?”

“Pocket. You look prettier when you're quiet, can you not take this too seriously, please?”

“I'm guessing there’s a nanny inside?”

“Probably?”

“Jeez…”

Steven opens the door and takes Xabi by his arm. Ellie, who's almost drifted off to sleep on the couch, startles at the sound of Xabi’s hysterical laughter and the voice of another man quickly shushing him. Bob starts to bark and it’s almost 12 pm, this scene is really too loud for a place where there's a baby sleeping.

“Mr. X! How inconsiderate-…who are you?”

Ellie is looking Steven in such a suspicious way, he feels slightly intimidated.

“Hello nice to meet you, Steven Gerrard here.”

“Holaaaa Ellie, Xabi Alonso gusto en conocerte! Stevie, this is Ellie, my amazing babysitter.”

“Is he drunk?”

“It looks like, doesn’t it?”

“You brought him home?”

“Yes, I’m a friend.”

“A friend?”

“I’m thirsty… Stevie, you want a drink?”

“You’re going straight to bed. Where is his bedroom, Ellie?”

“Second door to the left.”

“Got it, come on Xabs, let’s go.”

“Night Ellie, I love you!”

“Shhhh, come on, Emma is sleeping!”

Ellie watches her dog and shrugs her shoulders at him. As she walks on over to the sofa, she keeps her eyes glued to the hallway.

_A friend?_

_

Stumbling, they make it to the master bedroom and Steven doesn’t remember Xabi being this heavy, but well, it has been a long time. He’s trying to make Xabi sit on the bed, but the man uses all the strength he has left in his body –which is quite a bit- to wrestle him. In a blink of an eye Steven is on top of him, their faces really close together.

“Xabi, you’re drun-”

His lips taste faintly like scotch, maybe cigarettes as well. A part of his brain switches off and Steven suddenly remembers the feeling of being kissed by Xabi very well. Even being this drunk, the man really knows what the hell he’s doing and Steven can't help but answer back with the same amount of fervour.

They kiss for a good two minutes, or until Steven starts to panic a little, because if they go like this, well _shit_.

And it’s wrong as fuck, especially because Xabi is so wasted and-

“You’re still a good kisser, Gerrard.”

Xabi’s eyes are closing slowly, a little smirk on his lips. Steven watches him, loving the way his ginger beard makes him look distinguished and classy.

 “And you’re still a lousy drunk.”

Steven takes Xabi's shoes off and covers him with a blanket. He has already started snoring soundly, finally resting in his inebriated state.

When he leaves Xabi’s room, Ellie is waiting for him in the living room, arms crossed over her chest.

“Well?”

“Uhm, he’s asleep.”

Ellie looks him up and down a couple of times before concluding: “You’re not his type.”

Steven’s frown deepens and childishly he mimics the position the teenager in front of him is standing in.

“And how do you know what his _type_ looks like?”

“He only ever brings men here who look like fuckboys and you seem… nice.”

Steven swallows hard, that’s some declaration.

“Uhm, brings here?”

“Uh huh.”

Steven scratches his head, this is too much information to process right now.

“Well, we used to date in our uni years, so maybe you’re wrong about his type.”

 “Oh really?”

“Yes, really. Ey, don’t you think it's time for you to go home? You need a lift?”

“I live across the hall. And I don’t think if it’s a good idea to leave Emma and her irresponsible father alone.”

“Well, I can stay.”

“Sorry, I meant that I don’t think it’s a good idea to leave Emma and her irresponsible drunk father alone with a stranger.”

_Quite a mouth she has._

Steven narrows his eyes to the girl, but deep down he knows that she's got a point.

“Okay, so what about this? You go to your home, I sleep on the sofa and first thing tomorrow morning you can come and have breakfast with us. What do you think?”

Ellie doesn’t seem too convinced, but the evidence is that this _friend_ was considerate enough to help Xabi to come to his place and put him to bed, while remaining dressed in the process. On top of that this man looks like a grown-up choir boy, so _maybe he actually is a good friend of Xabi's and not some random conquest._

Ellie says goodnight and Steven can finally let his body fall unceremoniously on the big, black leather sofa.

_What a night!_

_

Xabi’s stomach flips when he wakes up to the smell of bacon, toast and _coffee?_

The watch on his nightstand tells him that it's 9 am.

His head is about to explode. He doesn’t remember when he fell asleep and he’s not sure how he got to his bed. He does remember seeing Steven last night.

He stands up with much effort, swaying and stumbles over to his bathroom.

He wants to throw up.

He doesn’t.

He brushes his teeth and takes two aspirins.

He can hear voices coming from the outside of his room, including the babbling of his daughter.

When he finally gathers enough courage to get out of the room, he opens the door and the voices get louder.

“So, you think Klopp can get the team at least to the top four this year?”

“Piece of cake, mate. With the signing of Reus and the guy from Barcelona, how is his name?”

“Rafinha! He’s so cute, I love him!”

“You think he’s cute?”

“Why?! Don’t you?”

_What the hell are they talking about?_

When Xabi enters the living room, he’s greeted by the image of Steven feeding his daughter her baby food, while Ellie's laughing an eating a piece of toast. Bob is sitting at her feet, biting on a ball. 

The smell of bacon and coffee has gotten even more intense.

A very unusual thing to wake up in a Saturday morning, at least in Xabi Alonso’s life.

 “Good morning.”

“Mr. X! Your fellow here is a diehard fan of Liverpool! He even has a shirt signed by Captain Fantastic!”

“Yeah, I have it framed and everything.”

“I think you found a match, Ellie. Hola _hijita,_ ven con tu aita.”

“Morning, Xabs.”

Steven smiles at him and _God_ he feels so ashamed, he has blurred memories from last night, but he has no doubt that he's acted like an idiot. Steven already knew too well how he gets when he’s under the influence of alcohol.

“Uhm, thanks for bringing me here last night.”

“You were wasted.”

“Sorry about that...”

“Well,” Ellie stands up from her chair and grabs another piece of bacon in the process.

“I’m heading to my place. Nice to meet you Steven, send me the pic of the shirt! Mr. X, good luck!”, the cheeky girl actually winks at him before leaving the flat and Xabi wants to be swallowed up by a hole.

“She’s quite something. I can see how much she cares about you and your little one.”

“She’s a big help, yeah,” Xabi looks down.

“Want to eat?”

“Just coffee, please. Steven, I’m really sorry, I was out of my mind last night. I had a rough day, me.”

Steven pours coffee and milk in a mug and takes a seat at Xabi’s side. The baby is playing with a spoon on her father’s lap, sucking on a pacifier and from time to time watching Steven intently. 

“I’m all ears.”

“I quit my job. It was a decision I had to make that after I had no choice but to bring Emma to the office yesterday. It was a mess, my assistant had to interrupt an important meeting, because Emma wouldn't stop crying and disturbing the entire office. It made me realise that I can’t have a job that demands my undivided attention and be a good, full-time father at the same time. When I got home with the boxes of all my stuff and Emma, I couldn’t bear the idea of being in this place, actually having to think about what to do next. My job was the only thing that I was sure, so sure of. Now I’m a single and unemployed father with no damn idea of what to do.”

Steven listens carefully and he understands Xabi’s feelings. He loves his job as well, maybe not in the same way Xabi did, but he also enjoys how he's free to give every fibre of his being to his career if he wants to.

And it must be especially difficult for Xabi to quit this particular job, because he was in a position that most of the professionals in the law world are striving to get to. 

Steven suddenly has an idea.

“Xabi, would you go with me to a place?”

“Now?”

“Yes, now.”

_

“Where are we?”

“You’re in the new offices of CG Bureau & Associates.”

“CG?”

“Carragher and Gerrard, of course.”

The place is still in the middle of remodelling, but there are a couple of offices that are ready and with some others, there’s some detail work left to finish. It looks promising, probably at the end it’ll look really great.

“Your firm?”

“Yeah, we had a great year. And we’ve been closing some new business recently, last night I was with some potential clients that will surely be ours. We have pretty good prospects for the next two years and so we’re thinking of inviting some new experienced people to work with us.”

At this, Xabi stops with Emma in his arms and turns slowly to look Steven straight in the eye.

“You would have your own office. And you could bring her around anytime. I’m used to having kids around the place; most of the people here have kids, so. And you’re brilliant, I’m sure you could be very useful. You might even be an associate in no time.”

“You’re offering me a job?”

“Are you willing to accept it?”

Xabi is surprised to say the least. Frankly, he wasn’t expecting this. Hell, he doesn’t even know what he was expecting when he agreed to come along.

At first he thinks that maybe it’s not a great idea. It could get… messy. But on the other hand, it could be nice to work in a place where he can be able to feel at ease, where everyone knows he is a single dad.  And starting in a new firm with his experience could be a good challenge.

He ponders it for a bit. Steven gets closer to him and reaches for Emma's little hand.

“She has your eyes, and that cheeky smile.”

“I kissed you last night, didn't I?”

Steven looks up to Xabi’s face with a faint smirk and says: "You were drunk as fuck."

“Don’t swear in front of my baby.”

“I’m sorry, Emma. You were completely wasted.”

“What will Jamie say?”

“About you working with us?”

“If I say yes.”

“I think he would like the idea. If not, you will have to convince him.”

“Thank you.”

“Say yes first.”

“Okay, I accept your offer, Esteban.”

“You’re welcome then, Xabier.”

Steven's smile is bright and Xabi’s heart warms at the sight, just like it would do back in the day.

Some things don’t change at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daisy, thanks for the patience and for your help! You're a dear!
> 
> And thanks to those who's still reading this, your patience is also really appreciate! I hope see you guys soon.
> 
> PS: Marco can stay at Dortmund...Rafinha would look great in any kit but I'll miss him so much if he leaves Barcelona some day, so I wrote that just for fun I'M NOT EXPECTING THAT!!!


	5. “You were recruiting for a harem or what?”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Xabi's heart skip a beat...probably two. This is so fluffy and lame I can't even!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the ones that are still reading this...I'm sorry, no excuses, I'm horrible, I know!

“Dear God, it’s like putting Superman in front of kryptonite!”

Jamie, for the third time in the space of two hours, has to prompt his friend/compadre/partner to return his attention to the exhaustive analysis they are doing of the evidence scattered on the table. The sight that is distracting Steven (and in turn causing Jamie to worry about having to work late, again) is nothing other than their newest partner at the firm and his little daughter—who’s currently trying to take four straight steps around her father’s office for the first time. Her proud aita is filming her with his super modern cell phone and with an enormous, bright smile on his face. 

Normally if he would see Steven with that idiotic smile and his eyes sparkling like that, simply because Xabier _fucking_ Alonso is also smiling like an idiot, he would just tease his friend. But it’s not the time for it, because there’s actual _work_ to do? He must admit that —even though he is straight— he can't deny that Xabi could probably make anyone eat out of the palm of his hand once he puts on that smirk and that pompous charm of his. But he just can’t believe that after ten years Steven is still so hung up on this obviously pretentious fella. And to make matters worse, he has a ridiculously cute daughter now.

A very dangerous development for someone like Steven. It’s really just too much for the poor man,  _ no wonder,  _ Jamie realizes, it’ _ s now the full package.  _

“Oi, fucking pay attention would you?”

“Ouch Jay, what the fuck?!”

“You’re drooling, can you just focus on this? Nicola is waiting for me and I don’t want to be late for Mia’s presentation!”

“You don’t have to slap my head like that, your hand is heavy you know? And I’m not drooling.”

“You’re close to it. I’m really reconsidering this situation…I don’t think your idea is brilliant after all. Not if you’re going to look like an idiot all day and just zone out like that whenever he’s there, just breathing.”

“Shut up, Jamie!”

“Just fuck him and you’ll be over it.”

“I’m not even going to comment on that, I’m just going to pretend you’re a not being an asshole all of a sudden.”

“But you want to do it, right?”

“Shut up!”

“You’re so obvious and that’s really amusing, honestly.”

“Ok, time to stop, seriously! What were you saying about the CEO of CP Corporation?”

“Oh, now you’re interested in work again?”

“Come on mate, give me a break…”

“Fine. I was saying that there were rumours about him making some visits to the Town Clerk’s office two months ago and strangely the decision of the 'city' to let those bastards build the urbans was two weeks after that encounter. Daniel tried to talk with some people of the press, but all what he got was silence and the community is very upset because they lack support from the media.”

“Something smells rotten in the City Council of Greenbank.”

“You bet. It seems that extortion was the only thing they could use to achieve their main goal, to get their hands over those extensions. Thousand people were left without a home, but it’s just a minor cost in comparison to what they can gain, luxury complexes with potential clients to buy them. It seems a pretty good business if you ask me.”

“The people of Greenbank vs  Caldwell-Phillips Corporation. What a headline.”

“We definitely have a case here. But we need to be prepared, they’re going to hire the best of the best.” Carra looks knowingly at Steven.

“You mean…?”

“Yep… Prince Charming’s old friends.”

“What are you, twelve?!…”

“Oh, just endure it, you." He pats Steven on the head.

“Sometimes Adam can be useful for acquiring certain kinds of information. He called me this morning, he had a meeting with one of the secretaries there, and oh-so conveniently she let that slip out. The guy certainly has his ways.”

“He’s a whore, a useful one, but still a whore. Jamie, you know, if we have succeed, we’ll be in the big leagues.”

“I know. Great moment to have Prince Charming on our side, I wouldn’t like to face him in court.”   

“If you say that one more time—”

“Steven, Jamie, sorry to interrupt, I’m going to take Emma to home, are you guys going to stay here? I will come back.”

“Oh, you don’t have to- OUCH! Carra, what the fuck?”, Steven whispers as he feels his shin swelling up due to the absolutely not gentle manner his partner/friend/ _ pain-in-the-ass-sometimes  _ decided to use to cut him off. 

“Sure Xabs, we’ll be waiting for you. We’re revising the Greenbank’s files and we got some interesting things to share with you, right Stevie?”

“…”

Xabi can’t ignore the shadows of red on Steven’s face, he knows pretty well what that means. Steven’s embarrassed, he still remembers that. He used to tease him on purpose back when they were dating, just so he could see that childish and adorable look appear on his features. The past three months of working together with his ex-boyfriend/new partner/sort-of-friend-again have been like traveling to the past. It's like nothing has changed after ten years of space between them. Jamie is always mocking Steven, but you can tell that they work together so well. Steven is kind, charming, optimistic and teasing the hell out of everyone at the firm most of the time. And it's the little details, like how smitten Steven is with children, how messy his hair looks at the morning meetings (before he finally has the decency to put it in order when he’s in his own office), how he's just as passionate about his career as he is about his football team (well, close enough).

And that look on him now…

_ Why I’m being this lame at this stage of my life?! I’m not eighteen, what the hell?! _

“Uhm, ok fine. I’ll be back here in fifteen minutes, tops.” 

“Bring some Chinese, will you?”

“At least say please, Carra!”

“Please, Carra.”

Xabi waves at them and gives a sardonic smile. As he's leaving, he cackles when he catches Steven’s  _ you need to fucking grow up mate! Tell your children to teach you some proper behaviour… _

_ Yes, some things are exactly the same.  _

_

“This is the best lumpia I’ve ever ate, mate. You definitely are useful for something.”

“Everything is delicious, I need to know the name of the place.”

“Glad to hear that, it's from Chez Wong. It’s a little restaurant near my flat that’s not very busy, but in my opinion they have the best Chinese food in this city. Emma loves the corn and chicken soup from there. Every time we go the chef makes it for her and she eats the whole thing without any complaints, things like that make me really happy.”

“Maybe I should take Lou there, she loves Chinese.”

“Lou?”

“Lourdes, one of my nieces I've told you about.”

Steven proudly shows him a picture on his cellphone of the little female version of him—as Xabi so nicely comments. And of course, Steven beams at the words. 

“You could say that she’s your daughter and everyone would believe it.”

“That’s what everybody says! She’s my favourite and I think that she knows it, even if I try to show my love to all of them equally. And of course I adore them all, but she’s too cute. You need to see her singing like Elsa.”

“Ugh, really? That freaking princess gets on my last damn nerve, but unfortunately that’s one of the few ways I can keep  Emma calm for at least one hour.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. I’ve been made to watch that story in all the possible versions of it, but then when you see them like this…”

Jamie is still trying to figure out how they went from discussing Chinese food to watching a four year-old child sing her lungs out to that damn song and have two grown men fawning over her and giggling with the utmost delight. He doesn’t even have the energy to come up with something “Carragher-ish” enough, but maybe that's because he knows this is the closest Steven can get to feeling like a "proud parent". At least for now. He knows that's something Steven is longing for and he deserves to have these little moments.

Yes, even Jamie Carragher can be a sappy sod from time to time. He has learned to accept it, especially when it comes to Steven. But what he can do? It’s been like this since forever anyway.

“Okay, twats, it’s time for me to go. Let’s continue this tomorrow, shall we?”

“Huh? Yeah sure. Bye Jay.”

“See you tomorrow Jamie.”

Both of them say this to him on automatic pilot, their eyes are still glued to the mobile screen and the dumb smiles are still on their faces. Jamie rolls his eyes, but he can't deny feeling a sense of relief at seeing his friend, well happy. 

Potentionally this is his moment, finally. Against all odds, who would have thought? 

~.~

Well, maybe Doña Isabel.

As soon as she heard about her son going to work with her favourite past boyfriend of his, she could tell that this could be something very significant. Precisely then she knew it was the perfect time for her to make an impromptu visit to Xabi and her granddaughter for a few days.

When she called from the airport asking for directions, Xabi turned pale at the sound of his mother's excited voice, because  _ I want to see you and my beautiful ilobaso, tell me, where is your new office? _

And an entirely new level of torture were the two hours after she arrived at the office. She brought presents for  _ everybody? _ All the people in his office now know how to make the perfect  _ Euskal Pintxo _ and Xabi barely tasted HIS  _ Bayona _ ham before they stole it all from him,  _ for Christ's sake! _

She even invited Steven to her son's apartment for a typical Basque dinner, because  _ you remember, right Steven? When you went to Donosti years ago, you loved all the dishes I made for you while you spend your holidays there… _

That night Xabi was ignored completely. Even by Emma, she spent the greatest part of the dinner in Steven’s lap, which apparently has also become her new favourite spot to fall asleep. And no, he’s not jealous  _ at all _ . 

How could he be? He can’t blame either of them. It's difficult to resist either his daughter or his friend.

One thing is certain, not even in a million years could he have predicted the scenes that have taken place in his dining room tonight. A lot of things have happened there before, but never anything like this. He looked at his mother, baby and ex-boyfriend/new partner/sort-of-friend-again as they were chatting amiably and sleeping peacefully and  _ God, _ he felt so ashamed because he  couldn't help but  think of how great Steven would look not only in this scenario, but in the dozens of similar-themed ones that were frantically filling his mind. 

He couldn’t sleep that night.

The next morning he’s sharing a lunch with his mother before she leaves for the airport to catch her flight back  home. 

“Thanks Ama, it was a good surprise, I had a good time. Emma had been missing you.”

“Me too. But you’re sure you had a good time? I know that you don’t like these kind of surprises.”

“Well, that surely doesn’t stop you, not before and not now.”

“And to think that you actually begged me to stay with you after you'd just gained custody of her. Ungrateful brat.”

“Mom, please.”

“I’m just teasing you, my boy. I’m actually very proud of the decision I made then, I knew it was the best for you. Emma is gorgeous and happy, you look terrific, better than ever. Everything is going so well for you and your new job… I love your new co-workers and Steven is fantastic as always.”

Isabel hides her smirk with her cup of coffee, but of course Xabi can’t ignore that tone in her voice as she said the final part of her statement. 

_ Steven is fantastic as always _ …

“Mom, don’t go there.”

“Going…to where?”

“Don’t act innocent all of sudden, you know what I’m talking about.”

She even has the nerve to look offended.

“He’s my boss, it would be too troublesome.”

“Oh really?”

“This is completely different; he’s actually one of the owners, aside from being one of my bosses. It’s really that inappropriate.”

“He doesn’t see you that way, he told me that he really wants to make you an associate in no time, because you are that good, his words.”

“And I could be, but that has nothing to do with it. It's still not right.”

“It surprises me a little bit how you, at this stage of your life, can be this delusional sometimes, especially in these sort of matters.”

“Mom…”

“Emma loves him. She totally approves him and I do too for the record. Since forever. And you need a partner, a lover and a friend. So what’s the problem?”

“I knew it would be like this, I just knew it.”

“Don’t talk to the ceiling! I’m your mother, look at my face, and for once confess your feelings to someone, for real. I know you hate to hear this, but you can live a much richer life and this is your chance now. Don’t ruin it again.”

_ That’s exactly the problem, what if I do ruin it again?  _

Isabel could see the worry on her son's face.

“Things change love, maybe this time it will work out for you. Maybe this time it’s exactly what you need.”

Xabi remains silent. It’s better to, he knows he can’t win this argument. Mostly because he knows that what she is saying is true. 

But the prospect of being with Steven again is still frightening him and he doesn't know why.

\- 

“Did you have any idea that before the meeting with the CEO and the Town’s Clerk, the director of the local newspaper was spotted in a brand new Audi? And before that, he spent three weeks in the Caribbean?”

Steven is startled both by Xabi’s announcement and Emma’s sudden cries that are coming from her father’s office. They’re the only ones left in the place. Xabi stands up abruptly, but his boss catches his arm.

“Let me grab her, just stay here and keep talking. I've heard something like that, but I didn’t think it was something confirmed.”

Steven’s voice mixes with Emma’s sobbing, but a few moments later all Xabi can hear is his baby babbling and laughing loudly at a 36-year-old man who’s imitating what Xabi thinks might be a cartoon character. It seems familiar, but he can’t recall it.

Steven returns to the meeting room with the baby in his arms, she's now happily sucking her bottle. The 36-year-old is beaming.

Actually beaming.

Xabi’s heart skips a beat…maybe two. 

He tries to stay cool, but he feels a little embarrassed because his daughter interrupted them. No matter how much Steven insists that Emma can stay in the office whenever it's necessary, for Xabi it still feels really unnatural that she's allowed at his workplace and that his meetings can get interrupted like this.

“Stop making that trouble face, mate. She was hungry, that’s all.”

“Sorry. Ellie is having a date and I couldn’t find a replacement. Since when do  teens date?”

“Since forever, Alonso. Didn’t you date when you were one?”

“Actually, I was a little nerd back in that time. I only dated Nagore, I mean formally. The rest were just…uhm…tryouts.”

“Tryouts?”

“Something like that, yes.”

“You were recruiting for a harem or what?”

“You know what I mean. It was just my experimental phase, I didn’t want any serious stuff with anyone.”

“Ah yeah, you had that phase in college too, after we broke up. I just hope Emma won’t get that from you, though. That would be very problematic.”

“Shut up, she’s a little princess.”

“For now. Just wait when she starts to wear pink chapstick and talk about boys, that is going to be just awesome. You’ll feel your heart in your throat and the panic attacks will get progressively more frequent. At least that's what my brother says.” 

Now Xabi looks terrified—much to Steven’s amusement. His laughs fill the room.

Emma has fallen asleep and she looks like an angel lying against Steven’s chest. 

“I’m just kidding, mate. Let’s just go back to this so we can get home soon.”

“I can put her in the stroller-”

“It’s okay, it would wake her up. Let her sleep”

“She likes you, a lot.”

“We’re meant to be then.”

Xabi smiles and returns to his papers. He can feel that the other man is staring at him and when he fixes his eyes on Steven, he sees a playful little smirk on his lips. 

“What?”

“Why don’t we try?”

“Try what?”

“Would you go out with me, Xabi?”

Xabi looks taken aback and Steven’s smile falters just slightly.  _ Shit, of course he would notice that.  _ Xabi’s mind is trying to think of a very convincing reason for why they shouldn’t go out in the way Steven’s suggesting.

Then he realizes that he actually doesn’t want to say no. Maybe Doña Isabel could be right—but like hell Xabi will say that out at loud.

“Are you talking about a date? Us, going out on a formal date?”

“Something like that, yes. We can go to the movies or a fancy restaurant. You know, that kind of stuff.”

“It has been a while since I went out with someone, to be honest.”

“You don’t have to worry about us working together and dating, if you think that's a problem for me. I mean, I know it won't be your first time being involved with someone you're working with.”

“Uh?”

“You and what was his name? The guy that worked with you and that looked like a Boss model or something?”

Xabi swallows hard.

“You mean Robert?”

“Yes, the one that was with you when we met a while ago, in the court building. You were dating, that was pretty obvious. You are like crystal clear when it comes to certain things, even if you try to act cool and… you know.”

“Really? It was obvious?”

“He put a hand on your waist, intimately. You would never do that with a simple co-worker.”

“We didn’t date… that much.”

“Oh…”

“But I do want to go on a date with you.”

The smile that appears in Steven’s face is simply adorable. 

“I know a pretty good Spanish restaurant that you would love.”

_

_ Shit. _

It’s the third shirt Xabi tries on with the grey coat. It’s Friday and it’s the night he and Steven are going to eat in that amazing restaurant where you can eat the best paella according to Steven. He trusts him though, so maybe it will be as good as promised. Steven was taught about the greatness of the Spanish cuisine by him after all, so that’s a very good reason to rely on his judgment now,  _ thank you very much.  _

He feels fucking nervous. He was already nervous in the morning, he barely exchanged words with Steven at the office—thank God he was at the court building for the major part of the day. It didn’t help at all when his mother called him to once again suggest  _ you should take extra time out for you and blah, blah, blah…  _

_ She has not six, but ten senses! _

“I think that shirt looks terrific on you, Mr. X. I really like that more than the blue one.”

“You think? Maybe I should wear a tie?”

“Oh not at all. You’re going on a date, not to a trial.”

“I think you’re right.”

“You really look good. Dressed to nail it… and no pun intended!” 

“I appreciate your honesty. Ellie, really.”

Xabi looks at his Audemars Piguet watch and damn, Steven’s about to come and pick him up. By the way Xabi had insisted on meeting him at the place, but Steven had protested and  you _ know I’m terrible at giving directions. No, no, I’ll come pick you and take you there,  _ which translated to  _ stop being a nuisance and let me do this properly. _

Right. 

The doorbell rings and Ellie practically flies to the living room, she seems even more excited than Xabi.

Correction, Xabi’s fucking terrified. He's starting to think that Ellie is not the only teenager in his flat. 

“Well, hello Stevie! Wow you look so handsome!”

“Thanks Ellie. Ey, I brought you something…here. Check it out.”

“TICKETS TO SEE LIVERPOOL AGAINST MAN UNITED AT ANFIELD IN FIRST ROW???? ARE YOU KIDDING ME???”

When Xabi enters the living room he sees his teen nanny jumping on and hugging his  _ date _ . His daughter is in her chair looking clueless about the scene that's unfolding in front her. 

“Okay Ellie, let him go, so we can go, please?”

“Oh sorry, sorry. Look at this Mr. X! How cool is Stevie?”

“Since when do you call him Stevie?”

“Since we agreed that our Captain is the best looking guy that has walked on earth.”

“Fantastic. Hello Steven, just let me give Emma her bottle and we’re on our way.”

“Sure. We have the reservation for eight o’clock, so we have enough time.”

“This means I can go with my boyfriend, he’ll be so excited!”

“He likes football then?”

“Of course. It would suck if he didn’t, don’t you think?”

“It would be worst if he supports the wrong team.”

“Ugh, I know, right? I really liked this boy before and everything was going well until he said he was a Chelsea fan. That was it, it was a huge blow.”

“I dated an Everton’s fan once. THAT was a major blow.”

“You have guts!”

“—And I’m hungry. Can we go now?” 

“Yes, sorry, Xabi. See you, Ellie.”

“Bye Stevie, bye Mr. X! Don’t worry, we’ll be fine, just enjoy your dat-”

Xabi closes the door. The blush on his cheeks makes him look shy and so much younger, Steven can’t help but smile at seeing this side of a man who usually approaches his surroundings with an air of great confidence and sharpness.

“You look good.”

“Thanks, you too. By the way, you gave Ellie a great gift, right?”

“Uh, just a couple of extra tickets that I had. Oh and we’re going too.”

“What?”

“That will be our next date. But we’re going to see it from a better place, so no double date, don’t worry.”

“You're kidding me, right?”

“Nope, I even have a scarf for you.”

“Oh my goodness.”

_

Xabi can’t remember the last time he genuinely enjoyed the company of someone in a setting like this. 

Simply going out for a dinner, talking about mundane stuff while drinking exquisite wine (from his local town,  _ excuse you— _ he can’t believe Steven has actually remembered that!) and it’s too good. 

Everything is just going too well. 

And Steven is just being…himself. As always.

Xabi’s a little in love. He realizes he wants nights like this and more.

He doesn’t know what’s more, but yes, he willing to find out.  

He invites Steven back to his place for a cup of tea in the middle of the night, because  _ why not? _

Of course he knows that Steven is aware that he doesn’t exactly wants to drink tea with him,  _ but ey, where is it written down that grown ups can’t act silly from time to time? _

Besides, it’s obvious that he can’t be blunt with Steven in the way he normally is with other guys that he wants to take to bed. 

Oh and now he’s nervous again. It upsets him, of course. This isn’t normal for him.

When they enter the flat, they see Ellie sleeping on the sofa with the baby tucked in on her side, covered with a fluffy quilt, with the pacifier still in her little mouth. 

Xabi gently wakes Ellie up and Steven grabs the sleeping baby. He asks Xabi if he can go to her room and put her in the cradle.  

“Of course you can.”

Ellie hasn't fully woken up yet, but enough for her to give her neighbour a cheeky thumbs up before she turns towards her apartment.  

Xabi rolls his eyes, but smiles anyway.

He goes to Emma’s room and finds his  _ date  _ gently rocking his daughter, humming softly. It’s a sight he can't get enough of, honestly.

He takes Steven’s hand after he has put the baby in her cradle. He kisses him and it makes something click in his mind, suddenly everything feels so familiar.  

The way Steven is kissing him back, how he smiles on his mouth when they fumble to his room, how gentle Steven is at first and how he gradually turns into that amazing and aggressive lover that Xabi remembers. 

He still knows where to kiss, touch, lick. Everything is exactly like it used to be.

It feels even better though—one hundred times better.  

At one moment during the night, it was still dark outside, he opened his eyes and felt Steven’s arm around him, their legs were entwined under the sheets. It was peaceful. 

He wakes up much later after that, the bedroom filled with the smell of coffee and pancakes. His stomach can’t get used to that. Definitely not. 

He brushes his teeth, puts on some pyjamas and goes out of the room. 

He freezes on the spot when he sees Steven feeding his baby her breakfast. She claps every time Steven tells her what a good girl she is, because she’s eating all her food, and how he’s so proud of her. He gently wipes her little mouth and kisses her on the cheek before giving her, her bottle.  _ That’s right, you deserve it because you ate all the apricot puree. You’re great, Emma! I love you, little princess.   _

Xabi’s heart starts to ache. He longs to see this image every day in his life from now on. 

It’s too much, suddenly it’s too much. 

He just stands there, watching them with a lump in his throat, surprised at how everything is turning upside down, again.

The difference lays in just how much he wants this now. 

He realizes that this is everything he needs and more.

And yet, he can’t cope with feeling like this so suddenly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the patience, as always. I'll try my best to finish this before the Olympics I PROMISE! And once again thanks Daisy for being such an amazing support! You're da bess!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Em...there's a buddy to fuck after all :)))))
> 
> The title of the fic is from [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQTgoQdtxvg)


End file.
